Tears are pouring down my face now. All rage and agony. I’m just as hurt as you are, Carter. Don’t you understand that? This bullet took us both out. You’re not the only one currently trying to stay breathing while their lungs fill up with blood.
Carter’s eyes are now glistening, too.
“Your best friend and teammate was kindto me. He was deservingof my attention and made me feel deserving of his,” I say softly through my tears. I step toward him. “So,yes, it was worth it, because he made me realize that maybe I am not as unlovable as I believed I was. Thatmaybethere is a chance for a happy ending in my story.”
He stares at me, arms in front of his chest, eyes cold and lined with tears that he’s fighting not to shed. “You fucking embarrass me.”
Ouch.
That felt like a slap in the face. Like the equivalent of what he did to Boston, but to me, hurting me in the only way he can. I push myself into his space, ignoring the food I’ve discarded. I’m not hungry anymore.
I don’t run from this, I face it. Tears and all. I glare up at him, making sure he sees every inch of my face and the feeling in my eyes when I speak next.
“Great. I fucking hate you.You’re an awful person.We’re even.”
His eyes shudder, and a single tear escapes and slips down his cheek. It’s the final crack in our foundation. It’s our relationship, severing in two. All that is left is pain and the memory of who we once were for each other. How deeply we loved each other, so much that it felt unconditional. We’ll never be the same, him and I. We’ve found the condition, but it’s too late. We’re way past it.
I storm back to my room, hearing a sob rip through him as I shut my door behind me. I fall against it, sinking to the ground,and bury my head in my arms to cry. After a moment, just a few heartbeats of letting myself feel this, I crawl to my bed and grab my phone.
Me
Are you home? He needs you.
It only takes a few seconds before I hear the door across the hall open and the sound of Arden’s feet slowly padding down the hall. I cover my ears to block out the world when I hear him crying quietly. It’s so loud in my head that he could have been screaming rather than speaking in the softest, most pain-ridden voice I’ve ever heard.
“She’s never said she hates me before.”
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
boston
“Hi.”
I blink, suddenly wishing I’d put on some clothes. I’m standing on my porch in the freezing rural area of Pittsburgh, dick shriveling in my sweats as I squint through the blanket of dark hair in front of my eyes, rubbing my abs like a fucking old man after downing a case of beer on his recliner.
And there she is.
Still as beautiful as always, despite the lethal cold in her eyes.
Ariana keeps her chin up. She refuses to look below my neck, and she might not notice, but she stomps her foot a little—like it’s annoying her that I even put her in this position. Her face contorts with a twinge of pain when I angle my head toward her and she sees the extent of the damage.
It’s been a couple weeks and an awful, lonely Christmas. I just spent it with Lemmy, ignoring my phone except to talk to Kane and the kids after they opened the presents I sent. I’ve been off work, for obvious reasons, so my face has healed. The bruises are more yellow than black now. My nose looks like a nose again.
“Ari.”
“Hi,” she says again, her eyes hardening.
“What are you doing here?” I ask carefully. I take a step back, opening the door wider for her. I might know my boundaries now, but I’m not leaving any woman outside in the middle of winter—even if she’s bundled up like we live in the frozen tundra.
Her brow furrows, and like the defiant and stubborn thing she is, she refuses to move from my porch. “No. No, I’m here to say one thing and leave.”
I hesitate, taking a small step toward her but remaining on my side of the door. Remaining where I’m supposed to be. Where Ishouldbe. Away from her.
She finally exhales, a puff of hair exploding in front of her face like a fog. “It’s not my fault that I fell in love with you. It’s yours.”
My brows skyrocket. “What?”
“It’s your fault,” she repeats. “You said just sex, but then you treated it like something different. You opened up to me. You showed me how kind you are. You brought me to see thebaby goats,Boston!”
