I pull back, wiping my face. Arden straightens from beside us, where she had been collecting the fallen donuts and placing them back inside the box. She winces, shaking her head, telling me that none of them survived the drop.
I can’t do anything right.
My brother guides me into the kitchen and sits me down at the dining room table. He fetches me a bottle of water and a box of cookies from the cupboard, like that will replace the delicious donuts I just tried to surprise them with for breakfast. I don’t touch the cookies, I just drain the rest of my iced coffee and choke on a post-cry hiccup.
Carter slowly takes the seat next to me. His blue eyes burn into my face for a couple of seconds before he reaches over and puts his hand on my shoulder, squeezing in support.
“Dad called me.”
His brow furrows, but he nods for me to continue.
“Does he ever realize how he comes off?” I ask quietly, glancing at my brother.
Carter smiles sympathetically, squeezing my shoulder a bit tighter. “No, I don’t think he does. I think that’s always been his problem, and one of the biggest reasons he and Mom split when they did.”
“He doesn’t care aboutme,he just cares about what I’m doing. How I look to his friends,” I explain, my voice still trembling. “He called to ask what happened with my job, and then accused me of abandoning it. Made these weird, veiled comments about how the daughter he knows wouldn’t put herself in a position to be fired. He never even asked if I’m okay, never wanted to hear me out to learn what actually happened.”
Carter studies my face carefully. “That’s Dad, Ari. But he does care about you. He just shows it in a different way. I know it’s frustrating.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” I sniffle, wiping my nose with my sleeve. “He’s proud of you. You’re his successful kid. You bring home the nicest girl. You have an amazing career. You did everything you set out to do without fault.”
Carter drops his hand from my body, cocking a brow. “Oh, you think the assault charges I keep racking up make him proud? You think hewantedme to be a professional athlete? He’s proud of me because I don’t give him room for a different opinion, Ari. I’m going to do what I want to do, and he can be proud or he can fuck off. Mark my words, though, you’vealwaysbeen his shining star. Heisproud of you.”
“Was.”
“Well,” he grumbles, leaning back to cross his arms in front of his chest. “He’s an idiot. He expects a lot from us. I feel like I refused to follow his guidelines, so all that pressure got shoved onto you. I don’t know if I realized I was doing that to you.”
I wipe my eyes, a fresh wave of emotion coming over me. “It’s not your fault.”
It’s our dad’s.
He leans forward, forcing me to meet his eyes. “You know thatI’malwaysproud of you, right? I tell everyone about my little sister. How ambitious she is, how much drive she has, how she could easily run this country one day and make it a better place. I don’t care if you got fired, or why, or if you chose to leave because you realized you just didn’t like it anymore—I’m your biggest fan, Ari.Iam proud of you.”
My bottom lip wobbles. I shake my head, burying my face in my hands. Damn him.
I know I disappointed my dad. I know how let down he feels because I couldn’t make it work in my new position, but I was so scared that Carter was starting to look at me differently, too. I saw that look in his eye the other night, the one so familiar to how our father looked at me when I told him I got fired. It’s been in the back of my mind constantly since then.
I already let myself down, letting my family down feels even worse.
“Do you want me to call him?”
I shake my head between my hands. The only thing that could make this worse is Carter fighting my battles for me. I already know he paid back my dad for the flight money to get here. Arden told me. I’ve been making good money at the firm, but it was only a recent upgrade, and I put all my savings into the house I just bought in California, thinking I’d have a cushy paycheck to rely on. I have barely anything left for myself.
“What do you want to do?” he asks quietly.
“I don’t know,” I admit, dropping my eyes and wiping my face with my sleeve. “I want my job back, and I don’t want to feel like a colossal failure anymore. Can you make that happen?”
He smiles tightly. “No, but I’ve been to rock bottom once or twice, I can promise you that it isn’t somewhere you want to stay. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start thinking about a future that makesyouhappy. Not Dad. Not Mom. Not me.You.”
“Should I make a list or something?”
A crash explodes from the kitchen.
Carter shoots me a look just as Arden comes sprinting into the dining room, a notepad and pack of coloured pens in hand. She drops it in front of me, her eyes wild.
“You just said the magic words.” Carter chuckles, shaking his head.
Arden is already smoothing down a page in her notebook and is writing my name in the most beautiful handwriting I have ever seen. She starts shading and forming the lettering to look like something you’d buy from a small shop.
