“Good morning,” I whisper. “It’s a new day.”
He pulls back, suddenly unable to look at me. He hauls me forward, pressing a chaste kiss to my forehead. “Good morning, sweetheart.”
He leaves without looking back, and for some horribly unfair reason, my heart feels heavier than it has in years watching him go. I stare at that hotel door until my brother knocks a couple of hours later. I scramble, hiding Boston’s shirt in my luggage, and greet him and Arden with a tired smile. I don’t let them in, too afraid that they’ll sense the sex, see the condom in the garbage, or feel the remnants of what was left of us all over the room. I agree to meet them in the lobby when I’m done packing and take that time to make peace with what comes next.
We leave today.
I stare at Boston’s door as I close my own.
We’ll leave this here today. For good.
CHAPTER FORTY
boston
I didn’t rest.Not for one fucking second. My eyes are burning from the lack of sleep. I’m disoriented, miserable, and probably going to hell. I missed my flight, too. It’s been a bad start to the day. I hope this morning is not an omen for what’s to come.
I showered twice, yet I still smell her all over me. Like flowers and lemons. I can still feel her soft skin against my palms, her breathy curses ringing in my ears, and her mouth saying all the things that make me do all the things I shouldn’t do.
The guilt I feel cannot be put into words. I’m sick about it. I heard Fork knocking on my door this morning, but I ignored him until he gave up, believing that I had already left. I need a second, just asecondbefore I face him again. There are very few things that Forker will not forgive. This is the big one. This may be theonlyone.
I don’t know how to come to terms with that.
When I finally make it down to the lobby, half of the wedding party is by the doors. Cursing inwardly, I force a half-smile and toss on my sunglasses before any of them can see the bags under my eyes and start asking questions. Sure, it could just bea hangover, but Lowesy has a keen eye for any sign of trouble when it comes to his friends.
“Hey!” Declan greets me with surprise, hopping to his feet. He scans my face, sensing something’s off, but pulls me into a hug anyway. “Fork said you’d already left. You had the early flight.”
“Missed it,” I grumble.
Lowesy barks out a laugh, slapping me on the back. “I’d offer you a ride back to Pittsburgh, but we don’t leave for a few days.”
He and Penny are staying to spend more time with the crew. Caulfield, too. They’ll probably enjoy that lakehouse without the pressure of a wedding looming over their shoulders. I glance around but don’t see Caulfield or Saltzy. EJ is here, though, still looking like a kicked puppy.
Maybe Caulfield won’t be staying after all.
Lowesy follows my gaze, a long breath leaving his nose. This is the kind of tension that’s going to stick for a while and hit them all where it hurts.
I think of what I’ve done.
It could be worse, EJ. Much worse.
“I’ve got to take off.”
“Woah,” Declan says, holding my arm to prevent me from leaving. “You aren’t skipping The Goodbye Parade, are you?”
My brows shoot up. “Thewhatnow?”
He grins, like he already knows this is going to be hell for me. “Crew tradition. You can’t leave the city without saying goodbye to everyone. You’re lucky that Fork, Lemmy, and the boys have already left or you’d be here for another thirty minutes.”
“Can’t I just…wave?”
“Nope,” he says, hauling me toward the crowd. I spy multiple hungover, ghastly faces plastering on smiles as if they aren’t trying to keep their breakfasts in their stomachs. This has beena long week for all of us. I don’t think I have been drunk so frequently since I was a rookie. “Boss is leaving, everyone!”
Penny is first. She strolls up to me, her long blonde hair in a high ponytail. She looks exhausted, but happy. So happy. It’s all over her. She smiles, angling her head in the way that always reminds me that we may not have the same relationship that she does with Fork, but she still loves me. She opens her arms, and I walk into them without question. I’m used to her hugs now.
“Thank you for everything,” she says quietly, rubbing my shoulders. “You are such a good friend to him—to us.”
I swallow, glancing up at Dec over her shoulder.
