“No, nope. We can’t do this right now. Training is still happening, and we have to plan for our mission and get everyone in their correct positions for the battle. Adrian needs to heal and rest. We can talk about this later.” My hands shake as I reach for Jayden.
“No, baby. We need to know everything we can to make decisions.” Jayden wraps his arms around me. “It’s me, isn’t it?”
“No.” Tears burn the backs of my eyes. “What about Jayden, Adrian?”
“You guys have a choice to make. Where the others are pretty much a given, Jayden is a wild card.”
“We have a choice?” I ask hopefully.
I don’t know if I can do this without Jayden. I haven’t had to before.
The memories from the lotus eaters island flash back in my mind. Jayden walking away from it all and me having to choose between him and the world.
I can’t make that choice again. It was fake then but now, it’s very real. How do I survive without him? I can’t. I won’t.
“Beth?” Jayden says, sounding as if he’s called my name several times already. “Hey, listen. Whatever this choice is, I don’t think it’s as terrible as you’re thinking.”
“It is, though. It’s a choice between you and saving the world. I know it is. The fates and Nereus wouldn’t have put me through that trial if this wasn’t going to happen.” The first tear falls but Jayden swipes it away with his thumb.
“Just listen to what he has to say, baby. Please don’t cry. It’s going to be okay. I promise.” Jayden turns me in his arms so I’m looking at Adrian.
“You misunderstood, Beth. I know what you’re thinking and it’s not like the mission for the trident. Not exactly anyway. You can make the choice for him to go or stay behind.”
“Wait, this isn’t about him possibly dying?” I ask.
“No, it’s about the academy falling and people dying.” Adrian sighs. “Jayden can help turn the tide for us here if he stays.”
“If he goes with us?” I ask. “Will the academy still fall if he decides to come with me?”
“With the others, there was only one option. There would be casualties, but we would still win if they stayed behind. If they go, we lose in every instance. Jayden, though, is the wild card because in every scenario where he stays, we win but there are also times we win even if he goes.”
“What’s the catch?” Jayden asks. “Because I’m willing to gamble going if the odds are good.”
“This is bullshit,” Dax shouts. “I’m sidelined no matter what, but Jayden gets a choice.”
I whirl on him, magic crackling at my fingertips. “How many times have you sacrificed everything to save the world, huh, Dax?”
“B,” Raven whispers. “Fuck, this sucks. Shut your stupid mouth, Dax, or I’ll shut it for you.”
“No,” I snarl. “Tell me, Dax. How many times have you put yourself and the ones you love in front of this fucking shit show?”
“Calm down, baby. He’s just scared.” Jayden tugs me back into his arms.
“That’s not it, though, is it, Dax? You’re not scared. You’re throwing a tantrum like a petulant child while I have to make a choice that could fucking break me. Again.” I swipe angrily at the tears running rivers down my cheeks. “You feel emasculated that your girlfriend has to be on this mission while you save lives in a battle we may not even see?”
I shove him in the chest, ready to throw punches. Everything is spiraling and now I don’t know how to make it stop.
The Island of the Lotus Eaters swirls in my mind. Jayden. If I ask him to come with me, will it destroy everything? If I choose Jayden, does the world fall?
Dax shifts uncomfortably in his spot by the door.
“Have you ever had to choose between the person you love most in the world, the only person you truly love, and the fate of the world, Dax?” I ask.
“B, that’s not fair,” Raven whispers.
“Not fair?” A bitter laugh explodes from my lips. “No, it’s not fair. Life isn’t fucking fair, Raven. My life has never been fair. My mom died to save me. I spent my whole life on the run from monsters I didn’t fucking understand, and then when I find a place in this world and people who care about me, I’m forced to choose the world over them. Over and fucking over.”
Dax’s mouth opens and closes like a gaping fish.
