“How many times have you had to make that choice, Dax?” I scream. “Tell me. I already know the answer so before anyone ever uses the words ‘not fair’ to me again, think about that.”
“I’m sorry, Beth,” Dax whispers. “Fuck, I didn’t mean to. I was just so angry. I should be there with you guys.”
“So should everyone,” Adrian says. “But that’s not the path the fates have lined out for us. You’re the only one who refuses to accept it and even lashed out about it, but I knew you would.”
“Dax.” Kira reaches for him, but he gently pulls away.
“Don’t. It’s fine. I know I was wrong and that Beth has sacrificed everything for the rest of us. My feelings are just a mess right now. I want to be useful and help, but I can’t do that from the academy.” Dax shakes his head.
“Are you serious right now?” Raven says, punching him in the gut. “Where do you think the bulk of the queen’s army is going to be, dipshit?”
“If anything, we are the ones who should be worried about leaving you guys behind,” Kira says with a glare. “The academy students are doing a lot better, but they still aren’t completely ready and we are being sent to retrieve a hammer, leaving you guys behind.”
I widen my eyes and turn to Jayden. Fuck, what if something bad happens and I’m not here to help him? My chest constricts and my stomach twists. No, he can’t stay behind. He has to come with us.
“I can’t do this,” I mumble. “I don’t want to leave anyone behind, but the academy needs us as much as the world.”
My nerves are raw. This isn’t fair, but when has anything about my life been fair? I wasn’t lying before—nothing ever works out for me. The island flashes in my mind. This is it. This is the end.
I whirl on Adrian. “Why should we choose for Jayden to stay? You wouldn’t have given us this option if it weren’t important.”
“I know you, Beth,” Adrian whispers. “I know you’ll make the right choice.”
“The right choice for who?” My body trembles with the rage I’m doing my best to suppress, though I’m not doing a great job of it. “I’m tired of making choices for everyone else’s benefit instead of my own.”
Raven takes a step forward, hands balled into fists at her sides. “Spit it out, Adrian. She’s about to break. She can’t handleone more thing, and frankly I don’t blame her because this is completely fucked.”
“I’m sorry but the right choice is for Jayden to stay behind.” Adrian doesn’t glance up from his lap. “Even though we can win either way, Jayden could mean the difference between a few deaths and hundreds of academy students. Our friends could all die if he goes with you.”
I lunge for Adrian, about to shake him to make him take it back. He can’t put this on me. They can’t put one more thing on me. I know it’s not Adrian’s fault, but I’m just done with all of this.
“Hundreds of deaths?” Kira whispers. “All our friends?”
“Don’t,” Raven barks. “You’re not going to push her decision. B, you be selfish for once if that’s what you want. The gods and the world have asked too much of you already. Enough is enough.”
I fall into my best friend’s arms, gut-wrenching sobs spilling from my lips. That’s all I needed. One person to see me. To see the struggle I have been going through for months. The dread over Nereus’ test. The inevitable.
I have to choose between hundreds of lives, billions of lives really, and the love of my life. This is some sick twist of fate that I was alone for so long and just when I find where I belong and someone I belong with, it’s all getting taken away.
“I didn’t mean that,” Kira says. “It was just a shock that one person, even Jayden, could make that much of a difference. I didn’t mean to make this harder.”
I unwrap my arms from around Raven and glance around at the others. They’re all watching me fall apart. All waiting with expressions of hope and expectation. My hands shake and I clench them into fists so I don’t show weakness.
They all expect me to make the decision that will be the thing to finally break me. Hera wanted to destroy me from themoment I was born. I think she just did because this is so much worse than the test on the island.
Everyone expects me to make the right choice for everyone else. They expect me to be the leader and sacrifice for all. Again.
“I can’t do this,” I mumble and head for the door.
“Beth,” Jayden shouts.
“No, I can’t do this. I can’t sit here with the weight of all your expectations on me. I’m not the savior you all think I am. I’m selfish when it comes down to it. It’s hard not to be when the world continues to take the only thing in this world that’s ever meant anything to me. Repeatedly.” I stomp toward the door, just done.
“No one would blame you if you choose Jayden,” Thad says. “That was the test on the island, right?”
I nod, unable to speak or even face them. “They made me choose between Jayden and the world to see what I would do when the world was really at stake.” I laugh. “The worst part is that it backfired because maybe I would be more willing to choose the world if I didn’t already know what that pain feels like.”
“It was fucked, Beth. I found you after that shit show and that was the first time I’ve ever seen you break. You’re strong but even the strongest have to break sometimes,” Thad says and puts a hand on my shoulder.
