He’s too calm for this conversation. Why isn’t he staring me down with disgust or calling me a heartless killer? Those are apt descriptions of me right now.
“He raked his claws down my back and got my gold blood on him, Jayden. I threw him off me. He wasn’t attacking when I made the decision to kill him.” My tears stream down my face, soaking his torn shirt.
“He was exposed to your goddess blood, and you said he was a rogue.” Jayden rubs soothing circles on my back.
“We went to see Randall and he said he had a problem at a mountain not far from Grand Junction. He thought it was volcanic activity, but I was sure it wasn’t. We were attacked by a pack of rogues. He clawed my back, and I kicked him off, but Jayden, he was already a rogue following Derek. What would have happened if he became gods touched too?”
“It would have been an absolute shit show for the shifter war that’s coming.” Jayden squeezes me. “You did the right thing. I would have done the exact same in the heat of the moment.”
“So why do I feel so guilty?” I clutch at his shirt.
“Because you’re a good person and you’ve never killed anything but a monster or something that was already dead. You can’t let the guilt eat at you. He made his choice to become a rogue and follow Derek. He made the choice to attack you all, knowing full well he might not survive. This wasn’t about you.”
“It doesn’t feel that way.”
“No, I guess it doesn’t. Did I tell you about my time on the streets after my mom died before my father found me and took me to the safe house?” he asks.
“Not really. You kind of glossed over it.” I glance up at his face.
“And with good reason. My powers manifested when I was afraid and alone. A nice woman bought me a kid’s meal from McDonalds one night and a teenager and his friends circled me and were going to take my food. I hadn’t eaten in I don’t remember how many days and I wanted those chicken nuggets.” His gaze is far away.
I grip his shirt tighter.
“One of the guys pulled a knife out of his pocket and held it to my throat. I was terrified and my shadows burst out of me, slashing at the teenager until they killed him. That’s how the furies found me. Crying on the ground, covered in the kid’s blood, clutching that damn Happy Meal.”
“Oh gods, Jayden. That’s terrible. You were just a kid, though,” I gasp.
“Oh, I know that now, but at the time I was scared out of my mind. I did something terrible, and it haunted me for a long time. It was a long time before I realized that the choice was taken from me by his choice to pull that knife on me. That rogue took the choice from you when he attacked you.”
I take a deep breath and the weight I’ve been carrying since I killed that rogue lifts from my chest. I glance up at him with a small smile.
“Thank you. I definitely needed that. And I’m sorry you went through that so young.” I wrap my arms around him tighter.
A knock on the door pulls me up short from kissing him and I turn.
“B, I brought food,” Raven calls through the door.
“Dammit, Raven,” Jayden mutters under his breath.
“I need food, Jayden.” I push his chest, laughing.
My stomach takes this as its cue to growl loudly. Jayden sets me down on the bed and moves to the door of my dorm, opening it.
“Oh good. You’re still dressed.” Raven grins. “Our girl expended a ton of magic in the last few days and needs to eat a proper meal before any bedroom activities.”
“Hades, Raven. What the fuck?” Jayden growls.
“You know you love me. So, everything squared away? All good now?”
“Not all good but we’re getting there,” I say with a sigh.
“Food will make everything better.” Raven hands me a plate piled high.
“Not everything but it will shut up my growling stomach.” I pick up a rib and take a bite.
“So, what’s the plan? I feel like a sitting duck here in the academy.” Raven plops down on the bed next to me as the rest of our friends file in with plates of food.
“Did you guys clean out the cafeteria?” I ask.
