Jasmine leaned away again. Hurt was in her eyes, even though she tried to hide it.
“We’ve been drinking and fighting, and my head is just too full right now. I don’t think we’re in the best place…” I shook my head and pushed away from the table. “Sorry, no. It’s not ‘we.’ It’s me. I’m not in the best place to make any decisions. I’m going to go for a run.”
“Do you want to be alone?” Jasmine asked.
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. Yes. No. So I didn’t answer that, instead muttering something about needing to burn off energy, and headed out. The night was warmer than I anticipated, but soon enough I was in the forest. The scents filled me, and my shoulders started to unknot.
Taking on my wolf form, I ran along a familiar path, letting my muscle memory take over.
Killian wasn’t the only one worried that he was being affected by the dark energy. I’d been feeling agitated and closer to snapping over the last few days, and sometimes I found myself in a near-blind rage without even knowing what I was angry about. When I saw those men at the bar, I wasn’t concerned about Jasmine’s well-being. I just wanted to hurt them.
If that wasn’t a warning sign, I didn’t know what was.
The further I got from town, the less certain I felt. My thoughts were so tangled up that I finally stopped running entirely. I shifted to human form and leaned against a tree, panting from how hard I’d been pushing myself. After I got mybreathing under control, I closed my eyes and took in a few deep breaths to fill my lungs with the forest.
I wished that we had spoken to the Burgess alphas about their experiences being possessed. The prideful part of me had said there was nothing to worry about, that it couldn’t happen to us. Now I realized how arrogant that had been. Was it too late to ask now? Would they even want to reveal something that was so intimate?
The bushes rustled, and I shifted back to wolf form and growled. A soft bark answered me, and moments later, Jasmine and the other three left the undergrowth. Jasmine wagged her tail, looking slightly hesitant.
They’d come after me.
My throat swelled. They had come after me. I wasn’t alone. I dashed to Jasmine, licking her face, whining as the emotion swept through me. She licked back, her tail wagging faster and faster. She romped, slapping the ground in a play bow.
We started to play in the forest, running and just enjoying each other’s company. When we were exhausted, the five of us collapsed in a heap in the forest and shifted back to human form. Jasmine climbed into my arms and snuggled against me.
“Are you feeling any better?” she asked, her hand trailing over my chest.
The touch made me want more, but I held back. “I do feel better. But there’s still…I haven’t been fully honest.”
Jasmine lifted her head and gave me a worried look. “What do you mean?”
“I’m worried that I’ve been infected by the dark energy, too. What I felt in the bar, it wasn’t normal. It didn’t feel likeme. That’s why I said we need to keep a distance. It’s because I need to keep my distance. Because I might be a danger to you.” Despite my words, my arms tightened around her.
Jasmine ran her hand down my chest.
“I don’t want to have any distance. I want to be close to you,” I confessed. “I’m so tired of being alone.” It was something I hadn’t told anyone before. How alone I’d felt, even with my best friends close by. “I’ve never felt like I truly belonged. I felt like it was just happenstance. I was absorbed into the friend group. I was made alpha because I was part of the group. But I’ve never really belonged. Not in personality, not in drive. I do what I have to do, but I don’t know what I want.”
Jasmine held me tighter. “You’re not alone, Renz. We’re here for you.”
Jace gripped my shoulder. “We have your back.”
“We’ll keep an eye out,” Owen agreed. “I’m not seeing any signs of the dark energy in you yet, but we will stop you from attacking anyone if it happens.”
Killian nodded. “We’re in this together. You aren’t here with us out of pity. You weren’t just absorbed. You’re part of us, Renz. We’re not us without you.”
I leaned into Jasmine, throat tight with emotion. For the first time in a long time, I felt…whole.
Chapter 19 - Jace
With Killian and Renz both fearing that the dark energy was affecting them, Owen and I took over more of the pack's responsibilities. They spent the day at the office, with our trusted seconds keeping an eye on them in case of any violent changes. Hopefully, the reduced pressure would help sort things out. I wasn’t convinced it was the dark energy and not just stress.
Nighttime had a different sort of stress. Now that I knew Jasmine was open to more sex, I couldn’t help but fantasize about it when I got home. Killian and Renz were both in agreement to hold back for the time being, and we had collectively agreed to wait until they were confident enough in themselves.
Oh, but it was difficult. I kept thinking of ways in which we couldtechnicallyobey the agreement while also getting satisfaction. More than once, I fell asleep daydreaming about having my face buried between Jasmine’s thighs.
I had considered different reasons why this marriage might end up sexless, but having two of my fellow alphas holding back wasn’t one of them. At most, I’d expected Owen to be the one who didn’t want intimacy with Jasmine.
Not that Killian and Renz didn’t want intimacy. Their desire for her was obvious; it was just that they were more worried about her safety than their own sexual satisfaction.
