‘I need you to help me with something,’ I say.
She looks up, a spoonful of muesli halfway to her mouth. ‘What?’
At least she’s eating. ‘I need you to help me get him into the car.’
She drops the spoon. ‘Kate! No, I can’t!’
I reach for her hand. ‘You can. You saw how heavy he is. I need your help.’
She leans forward. ‘Won’t he be frozen?’
‘Not completely,’ I say. I know. I looked it up. He will still be pliable enough to fit in the back. ‘Come on. We’ll do it now. Get it over and done with.’
‘No.’
‘Holly. Just think. By the time you get home, it’ll be over.’
She buries her face in her hands. A little more coaxing, and she pushes herself upright. I’d left our gloves behind the freezer. In the garage, we put them on again.
‘Ready?’ I say, my hand on the freezer lid.
‘No.’
‘You’ll be fine.’ I open the freezer. ‘Come on, are you read?—’
When I turn back towards her, for a moment, I think she’s walked out, but then I see her, standing against the roller door, her wrist over her mouth.
‘I can’t,’ she cries, tears streaming down her face. ‘Please don’t make me do this. It’s too horrible. He’srotting, for fuck’s sake!’
‘No, he’s not. You could do it yesterday. Come on.’
‘I can’t. I can’t!’
Her whole body starts to shake. I let the lid drop shut. ‘It’s all right, Holly.’ I rush over to her. ‘Calm down. Breathe.’ I take her in my arms.
‘I’m sorry,’ she sobs into my collarbone. ‘I had nightmares about him last night. I just can’t do it, Kate. I’m sorry. I can’t touch him.’
‘It’s all right. Don’t worry. I’m sure I can manage on my own.’
‘You think so?’
‘Yes. I think so,’ I say, with more conviction than I feel.
Later, after she’s calmed down, we sit in the living room together, me with my arm around her shoulders.
‘What about his phone?’ She sniffs.
‘It’s upstairs, in our bedroom. For now.’
She shudders.
‘Make sure to have fun with Scarlett. You don’t want her to think something is wrong. You don’t want her asking questions.’
‘I know. I’m trying.’
‘Just tell yourself it was all a bad dream,’ I say.
‘I’m scared.’
