‘No,’ I say. Then I add, ever more softly, ‘I turned him on.’
No other explanation necessary. She nods once, looking like she’s going to throw up, then disappears back into her bedroom.
By ten p.m. I’m lying in bed, and only then does the full weight of reality bear down upon my chest. I turn on my side and curl into a ball. I can’t believe what we’ve done. I cannot believe that Holly actually killed her father. I know she didn’t mean to, that it was an accident, and the way he was attacking her, I was really frightened for her.
But I wish to God it hadn’t happened.
I should have called the police. I would have told them everything. They wouldn’t have arrested her, would they? We would have got a lawyer with the ten thousand pounds I’ve saved. Why didn’t I do all those things? What was I thinking? I panicked. And maybe she was right. Maybe she would have had to go through a trial, and they would have sent her to jail for a long time.
We didn’t have a choice.
I lie back and breathe. I wish I could drive him off a cliff tonight. Now. But I can’t. It will have to be tomorrow night. Except now he’s going to be frozen. Even if I manage to get him in the car when he’s as stiff as a board, won’t the police wonder how this suicidal man managed to drive himself off a cliff while frozen to minus one hundred degrees?
I’ll have to let him thaw first. Did I actually think those words? Yes, I did. I will let him thaw, and then I’ll drive him away.
I reach for my phone, use an anonymous browser and look up how long it takes to thaw a frozen body. For my purposes, the answer is thirty-six to forty-eight hours. By then, his limbs should be pliable enough that I can wrestle him into the back seat in a seated position.
Great. One and a half to two days. Brilliant.
I look into it a bit more. Thirty-six hours seems to be enough. If I turn off the freezer at lunchtime tomorrow, being Monday, then I can take him out on Tuesday around midnight, one a.m.
Except, Max is supposed to be flying to Zurich tomorrow. I press the heels of my hands against my eyelids. My head is throbbing. I will call Sterling & Wicks and tell them he’s very ill. He’s so ill, he can’t even speak. That’s what I’ll tell them. He can’t go to Zurich because he’s very ill.
And then he’ll drive himself off a cliff.
Monday morning. Holly is having a shower. I go downstairs and check on Teri, putting my head around the door. The curtains are drawn, and she’s fast asleep.
I return to the kitchen and call Sterling & Wicks. I tell the receptionist that Max is very ill, that he won’t be able to go to Zurich, and to please pass on the message to the relevant person.
‘He didn’t tell you who to pass the message on to?’ she asks.
‘He’s asleep,’ I say. ‘I didn’t want to disturb him.’
‘I thought he was due on a flight, like, in two hours.’
‘He won’t make the flight. He’s really very sick.’
‘Is everything all right?’
I jump and see Teri standing right behind me, a concerned look on her face. I wave, as if to say,‘Yes, everything is fine.’
‘Anyway, if you could pass it on, thank you,’ I half mumble into the phone before ending the call. I turn back to Teri. ‘You scared me.’
She runs her fingers through her messy hair. She’s wearing the pyjamas I gave her last night – dark blue silk with pink flamingos. Max had bought them for me, but I never wore them.
‘I’m sorry I scared you,’ she says. ‘I thought I heard you say Max was sick.’
I blink at her. How long has she been standing there anyway? ‘Of course not. Max is fine. He’s in Zurich.’
‘That’s what I thought,’ she says.
‘I was talking about a colleague. Passing on a message. Anyway, how did you sleep? How’s the foot?’
‘Terrible,’ she says, lowering herself on a chair. ‘Could I be a total bore and ask you for a cup of coffee?’
‘Yes, of course.’
I prepare coffee for both of us. ‘So you didn’t sleep well?’
