I have never been much of a baseball guy; football has always been more of my thing. Though if baseball games were played with deadly bats such as the one that my fist is clenched around, then shit, sign me up to go see them Yankees play.
I begin to zone out with each swing, becoming giddy knowing that, today, I will inflict earth-shattering pain on him, kind of like the pain he has caused me. But luckily for him, the pain I will inflict on him is physical.
What he did to me, the internal pain he caused me … The kind that eats at your heart, chipping away at your soul, draining the life from your being, scarring your insides until you are nothing but a walking corpse? No, that kind of pain is everlasting. That’s the kind of pain that I have been forced to live with. It’s the kind of pain that has exposed the darkness that laid dormant in me for so long. It has never healed, and fuck, is it hungry for revenge.
I swing the bat once more, still in my daze, when I notice his mouth moving.
“Please!” he shouts, bringing my focus back to him. “I would never betray you.”
My grip tightens on the end of the bat. “You are despicable. Even on the cusp of death, you still can’t bring yourself to admit all your wrongdoings.”
“Oh please, you act like you are a saint.” Even swollen from the blows to his face, he still conjures up enough strength to be a delusional wise ass.
“The difference between you and me is that I never claimed to be a saint. I’m far from it. I don’t deny my demons, I accept them, and in turn, they allow me to live my life freely. Unlike you, who can’t accept your demons, so you punish others for your own downfalls.”
“You can’t be seriously punishing me for what I did to her parents? We were at war. I did what anyone in my position would have done.”
Funny how he forgets the war he started in our family that happened long before what he did to the Ricci family.
“It’s about many things. I’ll get to your feeble vendetta with the Riccis in a moment. But why don’t we start from the beginning?” I say as I swing the bat once more in the air, this time just a tad closer, making him flinch in fear. “Let’s start with what you did to my mother, because you couldn’t accept the death of your sweet golden boy, Car—”
My father freezes. This is the first time I have mentioned my brother’s name to my father ever. He has stopped me every time, and for some reason, I obliged his request to not mention him, but I am fed up with biting my tongue. The death of my brother catapulted my life into a tailspin I have yet to recover from.
“How dare you!” he shouts, interrupting me.
“Yes, how dare I confront my father about the rampage he went on, lashing out at my mother for the death of her son? How rude of me. I’m sorry, Father, the truth too much for you to bear?”
He says nothing.
“Try carrying the burdens of your actions for the last decade-plus of my life. You couldn’t accept what happened, so you ruined our lives and continued your rampage, hurting anyone that got close to us,” I remind him, the anger scorching through me.
Clearly, I’ve struck a nerve because he tosses in the chair. Once again rocking the metal legs against the cold flooring, grinding my nerves.
“Son, the Riccis were no good—” he begins.
I swing the bat down to my side and use it as if it were a devious cane. I walk toward him, clicking my tongue.
“Focus, Father. I said I will get to the Riccis in a minute. But I am talking about our family, or what was of it, that is. You never respected my mother. You taunted her for your own shortcomings, and you could never accept that she left with your only remaining son. So, you waited, and when the time suited you, you killed her for leaving you. And what did that give me? A gaping hole in my heart and no fucking mother, that’s what!” I roar.
“I had no choice, Son,” he says in a pitiful tone.
I scoff at his despicable excuses. “No choice, huh? Tell me how you had no fucking choice when you drove to her sister’s house and shot her, mid-fucking day. Only to drive off like a fucking coward.”
“I had no choice; she knew too much. Then, she started associating with the Marinos and the Riccis, and I worked too hard to have some bitch take down my empire.”
Unbelievable. I crash my fist into his jaw, hearing the cartilage click as he yelps in pain.
“You want to talk about choice? I had no fucking choice when you forced me to become the heir to your corrupt throne!” I shout.
“It was your eighteenth birthday, Carmine, it’s tradition. To initiate the first-born sons into the family business.”
“Except, I wasn’t your first-born son.” I begin say as my voice cracks.
“You act like you don’t love this life. I made you into the man that stands before me today, you can’t let bygones be bygones?”
Bygones be bygones.He is a bigger idiot than I even gave him credit for.
I spit at his feet. “You didn’t answer my question from before, which of your sins should I forgive today? So many to choose from. Ah, yes …”
