The ability to say that I had someone that made me feel again.
I can accept that.
I think.
“I agree,” she says, suddenly sounding timid. “I’m going to say something, and I hope it doesn’t sound weird, but I like these moments with you. You’ve already made coming home feel less like…hell.”
My heart is touched more than she realizes. I can tell that being vulnerable isn’t something that comes naturally to her. I’m honored.
“I’m not sure what I did, exactly, but I’m glad whatever it was worked.”
“You allow me to feel like I can breathe. I feel like I can be myself when I’m around you, so thank you.”
“No, thankyou.”
“It’s meet the rest of the family day, I don’t know if you’ll be thanking me after that.”
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”I’m with you.
CHAPTER 26
SARINA
After spending the first half of the day in bed —working, talking,kissing— Tomás and I finally peeled ourselves from the covers that felt like a trap, luring us in, and got dressed to head to my parents’ house.
It’s a forty-five-minute drive to where they live, but with how nervous I’m feeling, it feels like an eternity, giving me too much time to think of how much can go wrong. I know how my dad is. Cold. Dismissive.Rude. I’ve seen it, experienced it, and dealt with it my entire life. Tomás claims he’s dealt with people like my dad plenty of times, but I don’t think he knows what he’s about to walk into.
The more I think about it, the more I feel regret exposing Tomás to him.
No one knows more than I do that my dad is trouble. I was shocked that following the advice of his uncle —my great-uncle Nino—to leave New York years ago, and start over with a clean slate in Colorado after the damage he caused the Tesoro name from his irrational greed, that he was trying to worm his way back into the city with his business. Sure, the company appears legit. But I know better than to believe that. And yet, here I am,dragging Tomás into the lion’s den, all because I want to prove my dad wrong and hopefully cure my lifelong daddy issues in the process.
I can’t do that to him.
I don’t know what I was thinking.
“Stop!” I shout, my hand drifting to Tomás’ on the gear stick.
“What? Now? Sarina, we’re on the highway.”
“Yes, now. Stop the car. I —Wecan’t do this.”
He shifts gears, continuing to drive.
“Tomás,please.”
It’s then as my voice cracks with desperation seeping through that his gaze drifts to the passenger side-view mirror, searching for a space in the road for him to switch lanes until we are off to the side.
The click of the hazard lights matches the tempo of my heartbeat.
“Is everything okay?”
I don’t respond. I can’t. I feel like I’m going to be sick.
“Sarina, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Taking advantage of my hand resting over his, he moves it so his palm now covers my hand. I’m glad he’s feeling the top of my hand and not my palm, that way he doesn’t have to feel how clammy it is.
“We can’t go through with this. We can’t do any of this. Ralph will have to understand. Trust me, doing business with my dad comes with a lot of stipulations.”
