“No, no. No one, I’m okay,” he comforts me.Hecomfortsme. Sitting up too, he scoots so he can rest against the headboard and rubs a hand down his face.
This is beyond fucked up.
“Okay, okay.” I inhale sharply and try to get my shit together again. “Do you want to explain, or just go to sleep?” I don’t tell him I’ll wake the whole damn house if he chooses the second option, and makesomeoneexplain everything to me. He looks beat now. Like, soul-level tired, and I don’t want to make it worse.
“I’ll explain quickly,” he says after a moment, so I know he did think it through.
My bet is he skips overa lotof details, but he does get it done quickly, I have to give him that.
“So you’re just going to go back and keep playing for them?” I demand, though I do try to gentle my voice.
“Unless they trade me, I don’t have a choice. It’s been only six days since I waived my no-trade clause, and trades take time. In the meantime, I have to put on the best show possible so other teams are still interested.”
I let that sink in, remind myself that I know this, that I have to be patient.
“I’m glad you told your mom,” I whisper.
“Yeah, sorry about asking you to keep it from them, but?—”
“No, no.” I pat his arm in reassurance, or at least I try. “I don’t mean because of that. I mean, I’m glad you told them all so you can see how many people you have in your corner.”
“Yeah.” He exhales a long breath. “That was nice, but I’m glad Lottie wasn’t here, that I don’t have to put her in the middle of all this. Even if she is the great Charlotte Wayne, she’s still an NHL coach and still has to answer to the commissioner’s office. I don’t want there to be even a whisper of tampering.”
But I know how important his relationship with Lottie is to him. I know he’d love to be able to talk about this with her and just have her support. Even though she’s more than a decade older, they’ve always had a special bond. She is the older sister of all of them, not only Silas, and I would expect she’d react especially strongly to all of this.
“Is Chicago on the list?” I ask quietly. I can’t imagine it not being on the list, honestly.
“Top of the list, actually.” He brightens a little at that, his green eyes now not as sad, not as defeated.
“The league would go insane for that,” I murmur, and even manage an honest smile. It’s not huge, but still.
I swallow hard, having to stop myself from mentioning Tucker at all because what good would that do?
Chicago is a lot closer than Los Angeles, and hell, of course I’d love to have himright here, but I can still fly out to see him whenever. It would be a lot easier.
If Chicago is what he wants, then I’m not going to go against that. All I want is for him to be out of that team, and if he can be closer, then that’s a bonus. Not a huge one, but still a bonus.
His smile drops fast, and I brace myself.
“I feel like I’m letting everyone down.” The whisper comes out as a shameful confession, and I can’t let that stand.
“You’re not letting anyonewho mattersdown, Lex.” I try not to sound pushy, but this is something I know he needs to hear. “No one who really knows you, no one who loves you is disappointed, and even though I wasn’t downstairs when you told everyone else, I can almost guarantee that everyone was mad on your behalf, that all they want is to help.”
His eyes flit down to his lap where his hands are twisting halfway through my little speech, but I don’t begrudge him, I know he’s still listening.
“I don’t have any more energy now,” he whispers so low I can barely hear it.
I nod, even if he can’t see, and accept that for the conversation ender it is.
“I love you,” I murmur, the words feeling safe and familiar even though I’ve bitten them back about a million times.
His eyes snap up but I don’t take the time to see what’s in them. I just lean in and kiss his cheek, ignore his sharp intake of breath, and smile like nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
“Now, let’s sleep. We’ve got big days ahead that will only be good days.”
I swear to myself I’m not sad that he didn’t say it back, and I definitely ignore how I don’t even give him time to say it back. Instead, I gesture for him to lie down, and he lets me pull him, lets me turn him to his side, looking away from me, lets me wrap my arm around him after I turn out the bedside lamp.
It probably looks ridiculous, me at five-seven spooning his huge six-five frame, but no one is here but us. Only we are witnesses to this moment, to the peace that covers the whole room when I feel his chest expand then deflate with a huge breath, and this time, it’s with relief.
