I crawl up and flop onto my back next to him. It takes him another moment of breathing hard, so I comb my fingers through his hair and wait for him.
I’ll always wait for him. I’m damn lucky he isn’t making me wait a hell of a lot longer.
There must be something on my face clueing him in to where my thoughts have gone, or maybe he can read my mind, who cares? Point is he finds the strength to sit up and then lean down to kiss me. Sweetly, slowly.
It’s a total contrast to how he was talking just a minute ago, and it’s just one more thing I love about him.
Anticipation makes my skin burn when he suddenly moves, faster than I thought he was capable of after being so out of breath. But he’s hovering over me, he’s reaching for my cock behind him, and then wet, pressing heat is all I know.
In the darkness of my mind, his brimming blue eyes are all I notice. Later I’ll realize the lights from the city were making them shine.
“Take your time,” I tell him, and pat his thighs softly when he stops abruptly after the head of my covered dick pops in.
“I want to,” he whispers. “I know this isn’t—that we’ll—god, Lex. Please tell me this isn’t the last time.”
A knot of heartbreak, of self-loathing forms in my throat, but I force myself to speak through it.
“Why would it be?” I ask, trying to convey how utterly ridiculous I think that notion is, but without making him feel bad forfeeling like this—I made him hesitant, it’s my fault. “I love you, Eli Ellsworth. That hasn’t changed in the whole time I’ve known you. It will never change.”
He stares for a long moment before he nods. As he bites his lower lip, I can practically see him gathering his confidence back, and when he does, his gaze latches onto me and keeps me frozen in place.
The pressure of his hands on my chest eases as he lowers himself fully until his ass is pressed against my thighs.
There’s no talking like last time, there’s no need.
We exist together for a moment I could live in forever.
When he moves, I move.
I straighten up and cover his back with my hands, as he grips my shoulders to keep sliding up and down.
We never break eye contact, and I know there’s no other person on earth who I could share this with. No other person I could let see me like this.
It builds slowly in my core, so slowly that I get to enjoy every excruciatingly delicious second while I feel his hard cock rub against my abs.
“Eli,” I mumble, my voice already sounding like a warning. “I don’t know how much longer I can?—”
“Me too, but uh...” He trails off, and I feel his left hand start to slip from my shoulder. I don’t want him to stop touching me, ever, but especially right now.
“Can I?” I ask.
“Please,” he begs so sweetly.
I sneak a hand between us and circle his erection. His hips move faster, more erratically, as soon as I finish the first stroke. It takes less than five, and when he tightens even more around me, he drags me down with him with his name on my lips.
The sticky mess, the sudden oversensitivity, and the sound of our panting breaths don’t have a chance of overshadowing just how perfect this moment is. Right here, with Eli smiling and satisfied in my arms, I never thought it could be as good as it was whenever I let myself dream about it, but it was—issomehow better.
But then the fireworks light up the world beyond the windows, and for the first time it feels like the world is ready to celebrate us.
13
Eli
January 1st
Whenever I couldn’t help but miss Lex, and I dreamed of the storybook love story I wanted us to have, I always thought we would have to make the magic for ourselves. But when the fireworks ringing in the new year illuminate the world outside his apartment just a few seconds after we both orgasm, I feel giddy.
A giggle escapes me, one Lex matches as he keeps staring into my eyes. It’s like he’s also filled with hope and love, like we’re one mind, and since we’re still connected, one body.
