My jaw tenses.
Hud and I have very different perspectives on Matt. While I can acknowledge he was clearly unwell mentally, it doesn’t take away from the shit he put us through. Just remembering what the inside of the camper looked like, decorated with all of Hud’s stolen things, is enough to fill me with rage again.
Two weeks ago, I’d probably let it. Now, I count to ten, allowing the sensation to pass.
“Tell me why you feel that way.”
Hud chuckles. “Okay, Maria.”
I pinch his side, making him jerk and laugh harder. “I'm trying to be a supportive boyfriend over here.”
“I know you are,” he says, his laugh fading out.
He sighs.
“I just wish he had said something. Why go through all that trouble, hoping and thinking I knew it was him when he could have just had a conversation with me?"
My arm pulls Hud closer, cinching him to me. “Hud, you know better than anyone that our brains are powerful. They hold an authority over us that we can’t always control. We can ask why forever, but sometimes there isn’t an answer that makessense. We just have to learn to recognize when things are getting a little weird in our heads and not be afraid to ask for help.”
Hudson chuckles, the sound light. “Maria has rubbed off on you.”
My smile is soft. “And good thing too. I’m not great at being a traumatic mess.”
“Same here.”
Hud goes quiet again, his body a little tense under my cheek.
"What else is on your mind?"
He exhales, the sound shaky. "That's two friends who are just… gone." Hud snaps his fingers. "Just like that."
"I know," I say, my voice hoarse.
I still despise what Ella did to Hud.
Still hate what Matt put us through.
But that doesn't change the fact that we grew up with them.
Two people we've known most of our lives, and neither story ended the way they should have.
"I keep replaying everything," he admits quietly. "Trying to figure out what I missed. How—" He shakes his head, his cheek mussing my hair. "It doesn't matter now, but had we seen it sooner, maybe none of this would have happened."
"You know better than anyone we can't change the past, and dwelling on it doesn't do any good."
"Who is the smart one now?" He asks, kissing my forehead.
I chuckle. "It's always been me. I just let you think it's you."
Hud snorts. "Yeah, okay."
We both snicker and turn into each other, our noses brushing. Our limbs intertwine, and we stay like that, holding each other until I start to drift, the late afternoon sun like a warm blanket.
“Hudson? Where are you?”
Hadley comes running out of the house, skidding to a stop beside the hammock. She’s out of breath, a big, bright smile on her face.
“Where’s the fire?” Hud asks, laughing at her red face and windswept hair.
