The thought that he is mad that I saved him burrows under my skin, intensifying the itchy electricity crawling through my body.
It doesn’t matter. Angry or not, I’ll keep showing up for him.
Sleep is pointless now, so I force myself into the shower. Steam fills the bathroom, hot enough to turn my skin red, but exhaustion still clings to me by the time I step out.
I drag on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, then throw on my hat, sliding the bill to the back.
Quietly, I open my bedroom door, listening for my parents.
I trudge down the stairs, my heavy footsteps not helping my escape. If my mom catches me, she’s going to demand I turn around and go right back upstairs.
The landing creaks under my weight, and just when I get my hand on my keys hanging by the front door, a throat clears behind me.
My shoulders slump, chin dropping to my chest.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Mom’s tone is soft but firm.
I sigh, rubbing my brow as I turn to face her. “You know where I’m going.”
Mom leans against the stair railing, arms crossed over her chest. “You need to be sleeping. You’re swaying on your feet.”
To be honest, that nap did more harm than good. Sleep will continue to be useless as long as Hud is in the hospital and my dreams continue to terrorize me.
Planting my feet with a tight jaw, defiance courses through me. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” I snap.
Mom shoves off the railing, grasping my biceps tightly in her small hands. “That’s what I’m worried about! You’re going to kill yourself at this rate. You can’t keep going like this.”
Ican’t keep going likethis? She has no idea what I’m willing to do for Hudson. She doesn’t get it.
Gritting my teeth, I yank myself from her hold, a scowl on my face. “I’m going to keep showing up for Hudson until I physically can’t. He’s laid up in the ICU, a tube shoved down his throat breathing for him. The least I can do is suffer with him.”
Mom’s voice rises, her tone pleading. “You can barely stand, Cullen! What good are you to Hudson if you go down, too?”
“At least if I go down, I’ll be there with him!” I bellow, spit flying from my lips, my chest heaving.
Mom steps back like she doesn’t recognize me, a hand pressed to her chest.
A wave of dizziness hits, so I close my eyes until the room steadies. This is the wrong time for my body to try to prove my mom right.
Footsteps thunder through the living room, Dad rounding the corner. “What the hell is going on in here?” His gaze flicks from Mom to me, brows raised.
My hands lock behind my neck, my forearms squeezing the sides of my face.
Yelling at Mom isn’t okay.
I’mnot okay.
I push the thought from my mind. I’ll deal with my shit later.
Mom has tears in her eyes, and guilt punches straight through my chest. I pull her into my arms and rest my head on top of hers.
“I’m sorry.” My voice cracks, but I clear my throat to cover it.
She hugs me back, giving me the strength only a mom can give. “I need you to take care of yourself,” she says into my chest. “You’re right—Hudson needs you. He’s going to need all of you. But you can’t give him that if you don’t deal with what happened… if you don’t rest.”
I blow out a breath and nod, her soft hair brushing my cheek.
Dad steps forward and wraps his arms around both of us. After a moment, he lets go and we pull apart.
