“Ugh, I just thought about something.”
“And that is…?”
“They’ll assign me a new roommate,” I groan. “I can’t have phone sex with you if some weirdo is in there listening.”
Hudson huffs a small laugh. “Maybe you can see if Archer will room with you? There is still time to make those changes.”
I shrug. “It’s not the worst idea, and at least he’d be someone I know.”
“Yeah, and with him and Theo not—” He’s interrupted by his phone ringing.
“It’s Mom,” he says, answering on his touch screen.
“Hey Mom, what’s up?”
Her sobs fill the cab, my arm hair standing on end.
“Mom? What’s wrong?” Hud is white-knuckling the steering wheel, and I can see his pulse beating in his neck.
“Hudson, there’s been an accident.”
His hands tighten around the steering wheel.
“What happened?” His question is raw, scraped from his throat.
Mrs. Nora inhales sharply, then says something that shatters the little bit of peace we’ve managed to find.
“It’s Ella.”
Chapter twenty
Hudson
Igive up trying to get my tie to lay correctly and move on to fixing my hair. I’ve already styled it once, but I keep running my hands through it, trying to get a handle on my anxiety. My pill bottle is staring at me, but I’m trying to use all the techniques Maria has drilled into me before going that route.
None of them are working.
It’s been four days since Mrs. Amy found Ella’s body lying on the floor of their living room, her bag of pills spilled around her. The police are calling it a suicide—asphyxiation from too many pills lodged in her throat.
The moment we found out about Ella, I had a full-blown breakdown—shaking and hyperventilating to the point I almost passed out. Cullen made me pull over on the side of the road so I didn’t get us into another wreck. He held me while I cried, his arms keeping all my pieces from completely shattering.
Every time I close my eyes, I keep seeing her on that couch with a blanket over her lap, smiling at me like everythingwas normal. Then the memory twists into the last time I saw her, glassy-eyed and crying as she confessed to things I never imagined she was capable of.
My heart squeezes.
She was my first best friend. The girl who spent summers with me catching lightning bugs in mason jars, and who I used to ride bikes with down her street. I don’t know what to do with all the good memories now that they’re tangled up with the bad ones.
I’ve been battling my anxiety and panic all week, which has been made worse by everyone around me also living in their grief. My brain has been working nonstop to try to erase all the hard work I’ve put in, but there is no way I’m going back to the dark place I was in before.
This time, I’m fighting, and I won’t let the thoughts win.
The crawling sensation is becoming unbearable, so I finally relent and take my pill, the first one I’ve needed in months. There is no shame in needing the extra help, but I still hate it. I’m proud that I’ve gone this long without it.
“Hey.”
I turn and find Cull leaning against my doorjamb, his black suit perfectly fitted to his frame. Just the sight of him has me breathing easier. I reach my hand out, a silent request that he understands. He walks over and engulfs me in a hug, his evergreen scent calming the rest of my frayed edges.
“Need a pill today?”
