Now there’s only two.
I don’t know if I’ll ever untangle who Ella was from what she did.
She hurt and betrayed me. She altered the course of my life in irreparable ways.
And I still miss her.
The truth sits heavy in my chest.
This could have been my funeral.
I see that realization every time someone has looked at me this week. Like losing Ella reopened a wound that never fully healed.
Especially for Cull.
My gaze drifts to him.
He’s been my rock this week, steady when everything inside me wants to come apart. But every now and then I catch something dark flickering behind his eyes before he shoves it back down. His smiles don’t quite reach his eyes anymore, and the muscles in his jaw stay locked so tight I’m surprised his teeth haven’t cracked.
I’m worried about him.
“Is everyone ready? We will need two cars.” Dad grabs his keys from the bowl by the front door and hands Mom her purse.
“I’ll drive,” Cull offers.
He laces our fingers together and leads me out to his mom’s car, opening the passenger door before circling around to the driver’s side.
“Can I ride with you guys?” Hadley asks, swiping at her cheeks.
Cull doesn’t hesitate. He simply opens the back door for her.
“Thanks.” She lays a hand on his forearm before climbing in.
I pass her a handful of tissues over the seat and she takes them with a watery smile.
We ride to the church in near silence, the hum of the tires filling the car. My knee bounces the entire way.
Cull rests a hand on my thigh.
The pressure doesn’t stop the anxiety, but it keeps it from swallowing me whole.
“I’m still angry with Ella,” Hadley murmurs from the back seat. “And heartbroken at the same time. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel. And that just makes everything worse.”
I glance at her in the mirror.
Her face crumples
“I know what you mean.” My voice comes out rough. “What she did…” I trail off and stare out the window. “I’m having a hard time fitting that person together with the Ella we grew up with.”
Hadley sniffles and nods her agreement.
We arrive at the church behind a string of vehicles, Cullen pulling into a spot near the back. No one moves to get out of the car, the silence pressing down on us as we absorb what we are about to endure.
Knowing we can’t stay hidden here forever, I take a deep breath and finally open the door and get out. My hand searches out Cullen’s as he comes around the front of the car. He twines our fingers together, and I offer my free arm to Hadley, her shaking hand grasping my inner elbow. Together we walk towards the entrance, stopping when we see Matt and Archer standing at the base of the steps.
“This is crazy, right?” Matt remarks, his eyes wide. “I’ve never been to a funeral before.”
That may not be the word I’d use for this situation, but to some, I guess it is crazy.
