“You’re sleeping with him?”
I laugh, but it’s an exhausted one. One that leaves no more room for any more conversation. “When have I had the time? I’ve known him for a day, Ruka. Oh my god, you can’t be this delusional.”
“Well, he wants to sleep with you. That’s a problem for me. You’re probably just another notch on his bedpost, and I won’tlet you be treated like that. We have seen plenty of guys like him. You know the type.”
“I wouldn’t know. I don’t know him that well, Ruka. And you know what? I want to know him.” I angle my body so I’m facing my brother. “What’s wrong with that? What if you’re wrong about him? He’s different, Ruka. I feel it. I know I’m right. And I don’t appreciate you treating me like this. Like I’m not capable of knowing what’s best for me. Life changes. Millie and Jessica are happily married, and we chase with them. Why can’t that happen to me? For us?”
He doesn’t say anything, and I’m glad. I need this conversation and this chase to come to an end at last.
The old rundown motel sign finally comes into view, and the vacancy sign blinks red. Does that mean there are vacancies or no? It doesn’t matter. What am I thinking? I already have a room here. I rub the back of my neck, trying to relieve the tension.
My eyes burn with exhaustion and frustration. I think if Ruka said one more word, I might jump out of the moving vehicle and run to the motel.
The radio crackles with Jess’s voice. “Hey, Mille and I are starving. We are going to get some breakfast at Twisted Tina’s. Do you guys want to join? Reina said she’s too tired.”
I snag the receiver, give Ruka a dirty look, and press the button. “I’m going to bed too. I’m exhausted. That storm took us everywhere, and I want to shower. Ruka said he’d love to join. He’ll meet you there.”
He side-eyes me but says nothing.
I don’t know how we got here. My brother and I never fight. We never disagree. He’s my best friend. When we are off, my entire world is off.
The SUV bounces when Ruka turns into the parking lot, hitting every pothole he can find. He knows how much I can’t stand potholes. He’s doing it on purpose.
Millie pulls in beside us, waving with a big smile through the window.
We all get out of the vehicles at the same time, our feet landing in shallow puddles that splash into our already dirty clothes. I’m overwhelmed.
Every sound. Every voice. Everything is getting under my skin.
Millie’s happy-go-lucky smile fades when she sees my face. “Are you okay, Nari?”
Jess’s eyes slide to Ruka, who comes around the front of the car with the same facial expression that I have.
“I’m going to bed. Everyone has today off. Relax. Get some needed rest. I have a feeling we will be busy as long as we don’t know how to read the radars correctly.” I take a dig at Ruka. I know I shouldn’t, but he really hurt me, and I don’t know what to do with my anger. “If you need me, I’ll be in my room.”
Ruka tries to stop me. “Nari. Nari, wait. Let’s talk about this. Please.”
Swerving out of his grasp, I keep my head down, so he doesn’t see the tears in my eyes.
“Nari. Come on. Please,” he tries again. “Fuck.”
“What happened, Ruka?” Jess asks him.
Their conversation fades when I get far enough away.
I climb up the concrete steps that have been painted over more than once. The rail I’m holding onto is rusted and wobbles. It’s only a matter of time before someone falls from this safety hazard. I’d fix it myself if I knew how.
Pulling the key out from my back pocket, I slip it into the lock, giving it a quick jiggle, then kick the door open. It needs a little push since they painted over the hinges.
I step inside, closing and locking the door behind me. A long, tired exhale has me slouching my shoulders. My back fallsagainst the door, and I’m sliding down onto the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.
My chest aches. I claw at it, wanting the pain to go away.
I’m devastated. I’m angry. And for some reason, I’m really missing Oklahoma, and it makes no sense.
“Get it together.” I wipe the tears away and take a few deep breaths.
Placing my elbows on my knees, I study the room, unimpressed with the cigarette burns on the carpet, the wood paneling on the walls, and the box TV sitting across from the full-size bed on a chipped coffee table. My suitcase is on the floor by the bed where I left it when we checked in.
