That thought makes my eyes burn with tears I thought I was done with for the day.
You can’t do that, Connor.
The fact that I find myself caring so much pisses me off more than just about anything. Because life would be easier if I still hated Connor McBride, if I still thought he was a selfish, arrogant prick who broke my heart intentionally, who hated me and thought I was ugly, who rejected me and put me in a position to question everything about myself as a teenager.
In the last two weeks, he’s shown me that he’s kind, compassionate, caring, and so goddamn attentive. He’s all those things I remembered him to be when I chose him that night in the first place. He’s still an ass who has the ability to easily get under my skin, but that isn’t all he is.
He’s gone.
He’ll be back tomorrow…the next day at most.
I keep telling myself that, and I repeat it again and again as I climb from the water, snatch up my boots, and decide to chance walking barefoot back to the cabin.
The feeling of the grass and dirt beneath my feet helps ground me in the moment, in the land, it helps ease a bit of that worry and self-doubt I’ve been allowing to creep into my head today.
I just need a distraction.
One of the books Connor left sitting beside the bed…
Or maybe I can find something on my computer to mess around with.
Maybe I can write a new article about Connor McBride. One to publish when all this is over that explains how wrong I’ve been about him.
The corners of my lips curl as I consider that possibility.
But that’s when it hits me.
The birds aren’t chirping anymore…
The animals aren’t scurrying along the forest floor like they normally are when I walk down this path…
The mountain is quiet.
Deathly still and deadly silent.
What Connor said that day in the bath about how he knew something was wrong, how he knew the hit squad had come, flickers through the back of my mind just before I hear a branch snap behind me.
18
CONNOR
Killian, Tony, and Barrett stare at me as if I’ve grown another head.
Sitting on old logs Killian dragged into the clearing to set up a fire pit area years ago, I give my body a few minutes to rest—at least physically.
Mentally is another story.
As I’ve been revealing everything that has happened over the last couple weeks—well, everything short of having my dick buried inside of Raven almost the whole time—I can see their unease and worry growing and more than a hint of anger from both Tony and Killian.
Given what they told me about what they’ve been doing since we left, I understand it fully.
And I feel like an even bigger asshole than I already did for leaving them in the dark.
Like I had anticipated, they weren’t immediately concerned about me, but they just figured I had gone back onto the mountain again without telling anyone since my truck was still parked in front of the cabin. But once Willow realized Raven was missing—along with her computer—yet her car was still parked behind the bakery, all hell broke loose in McBride Mountain.
Tony immediately started a formal search for her, but they had very little to go on. Which has left everyone scrambling for weeks to find a woman they had no chance of ever locating because I didn’t want them to.
Killian and Liam have been scouring the mountain for any signs of her—and hoping to find me in the process—concentrating their searches beyond the gorge and on the entire far side of the mountain given how remote it is.
