But I won’t stop.
I keep fighting through it. Forcing my feet to keep moving, I trek farther up the mountain with Killian hot on my heels.
Even though Tony and Barrett took the drive back to town and are going to get the information where it needs to go, and they promised to move the girls and Niall to their uncle’s tonight, I can’t shake the sense of dread that follows on our climb.
The sun shifts across the sky as we climb, and I stumble, my foot catching on a fallen log. I crash to my knees on the forest floor, my chest heaving, desperately trying to catch my breath.
I try to struggle to my feet, but Killian catches up and steps in front of me, preventing me from getting up or moving forward.
“You have to slow the fuck down, Connor.” The hard set of his jaw and the determination in his gaze says I’m not going one more step until he says whatever he has to say. “If you run up there and fly off the handle instead of going in calm, you could make a mistake.”
His words are so close to the ones I said to myself that night on the homestead that I collapse back to the ground, overwhelmed with the sights, sounds, and smells again.
Crimson blood flowing…
Gunshots that ring in my ears…
Cries of pain…
That coppery scent that will never leave my lungs…
Killian’s hand falls to my shoulder, and he squeezes it tightly. “Connor…”
I shake my head, trying to clear away all those horrific things swamping it. “I have to get up there and make sure she’s okay.”
“She might be totally fine. Just because the cabin was listed on the search sheet, doesn’t mean it got into the hands of the Lorells, or that they would even think to look up there.”
I continue to struggle to catch my breath, my chest burning as my eyes do as well, and when I finally look up at him again, I can see that he doesn’t really believe what he says, either. “Then how come as soon as you said those words, it felt like a ghost had walked over my grave?”
He presses his lips together and releases his hold on me to run his hands back through his sweaty hair. “I don’t know. Just like I can’t figure out why you’re acting like this. I’m worried, but I’m not losing my shit. We’re talking about Raven—the woman you hate, the woman you can’t stand to be in the same goddamn room with.”
I finally struggle to my feet with no help from my brother and practically growl at him. “Get the fuck out of my way.”
“Is that your only answer?”
It’s the only one I can give him. There isn’t any time to explain what did or didn’t happen between that feisty blond and me at the cabin, or to try to unravel the complicated feelings twisting me up inside.
I shove past him, intentionally knocking my shoulder against his. “What happened between me and Raven is none of your fucking business.”
“So, something did happen.”
Fuck.
I glance over my shoulder at him. “Did I give you shit like this when Willow came back?”
He raises a brow. “Yeah…”
“No, that was Liam. I let you be.”
Killian snorts, a grin playing at his lips. “A lot of good that did me.”
“Yeah, well, you have it all now, don’t you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I release a sigh. “You have a beautiful family, beautiful wife, beautiful child, beautiful home, and she’s in bed with you every night when you go to sleep, and every morning when you wake up, she’s in your arms.”
“You think I sleep?”
