She saved us all as much as my gun did.
“What’s terrifying is that when I looked down at that man, I didn’t. The blood gushing up from the wound…he was still alive and reaching for his weapon, and I made sure the second shot would kill him without even thinking about it. It was way too easy to kill another human being as if he were just another wild animal becoming our dinner.”
Raven squeezes my hand again and tips her head back, tilting my chin down so that I’m forced to look at her. “You were protecting everyone you love. It was instinct. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I wish I could believe you, but I did it so many times that night. I took out three other men before I ever made it into the barn. But then I heard Lucky and Liam inside, arguing with someone. I heard a physical confrontation. The panic in their voices was like a jolt pushing me into action again because I knew that someone was hurt.”
I squeeze my eyes closed, not wanting to see that vision again. Not wanting to relive it. But it’s lived in me every moment of every day and night.
Raven has somehow helped keep the nightmares and memories at bay, but they rush back now, and I’m back in that barn, seeing Liam fighting the man on the ground. Seeing Gizmo, and Lucky, unable to do anything to help, and my eyes find that axe.
Such a familiar tool.
One I had held literally thousands of times.
Our livelihood.
“I was out of shell cartridges, but Liam’s axe was on the ground.”
Raven tenses in my hold, her hand tightening on mine. She knows what’s coming as well as I do, even before I say the words. Killing Brent Lorell that way wasn’t something anyone could keep from her.
“Lorell was on top of Liam, and he pulled a knife. Liam was struggling, doing everything he could, but I could tell he was losing the battle. As soon as that knife started moving toward him, I grabbed the axe and I drove it into the back of Lorell’s head.”
She flinches, and I can’t say I blame her.
It was brutal.
It was bloody.
Just the memory of the sound of that metal blade sinking into human flesh is enough to make bile rise up the back of my throat, and I clear it to try to prevent myself from gagging.
I’ve vomited and dry-heaved too many times to count when that sound reverberates in my head like a broken record.
Not today, though.
I refuse to give into it today.
All I have to do is get through this, finish the story so Raven can complete hers.
You can do that…for her.
“I rolled his body off Liam, and Lucky rushed to his side. I saw he had been shot. There was so much blood, but it wasn’t from Lorell. Liam was bleeding out in front of us. And we all know how long that goddamn drive down the mountain is. Even if I had gotten on the satellite phone and called Tony to try to get a chopper up, it would’ve had to fly in from Asheville and he never would have made it. I knew that. Just deep in my fucking gut, I knew that. We were going to lose him. So, Lucky and I knew we had to get him to the hospital ourselves.”
It was the most terrified I’ve ever been in my life—watching the life literally spill from Liam’s body and being completely helpless to stop it. Each minute, each mile it took to get to the hospital felt like a thousand.
I don’t know that I even breathed the entire time I drove…
The feel of that steering wheel clutched so tightly in my blood stained hands is still so vivid, as is that coppery scent that filled my lungs with every breath.
“I grabbed his truck because it was closest to the barn, and I didn’t know if there were any other threats out there. We got him loaded in the back. We stopped at Killian’s, and he came out and said he had already called Tony. And then we drove down the mountain like my life depended on it. Because if Liam had died”—I release a shaky breath—“I don’t know that I would be here right now.”
She turns in my arms until she can take my face in her palms and presses her lips to mine.
It’s gentle and sweet, an apology for something that absolutely isn’t her fault, that she wasn’t involved in at all.
“I’m so sorry.” She presses her forehead to mine, and we share our breaths for a few seconds before she pulls away and brushes her fingers across my face, water trickling down my cheeks and mixing with the tears that have started to fall even though I tried to stop them. “But he’s okay. We’re all okay.”
“For now.”
