“Do you think Bobby would put me back on days?” I asked.
Danny shrugged. “I have no idea. Ask him and find out.”
Like it was that easy. But it probably was for Danny, because he was open and friendly and actually liked people. Hell, back when Harlan, our neighbor before Avery, had been getting all up in his face every day, it’d taken the old man cutting down the tree out front for Danny to actually get pissed. Then it had turnedout that Harlan hadn’t been a dick at all—well, he had, but it hadn’t beenhim, sort of. It had been dementia. And Danny had roped the rest of us into helping Harlan’s daughter pack up his house so he could move to the memory unit at Sunny Fields in Brodnax.
He was just a decent guy, but I knew that already, because there weren’t too many people out there who would catch you eating out of a dumpster behind the gas station and take you back to his place for a shower, a meal, and someplace to sleep out of the weather for the night. And here we were still.
I muttered something.
Danny scraped the wire brush over the grill. “Is this because of Cash? The not sleeping, and the nightmares when he does?”
I nodded sharply.
Danny’s expression softened. “Bobby’s not unreasonable. He’s weird, but he’s not unreasonable. If you told him?—”
“It’s nobody’s business but ours,” I said.
“Let me finish, okay?” The corner of his mouth tugged up a little. “I wasn’t going to say you have to tell him anything about Cash. But you can tell him thatyou’rehaving a hard time and not sleeping well. And maybe promise not to punch any more customers. Wade’s worked nights before and doesn’t hate them, so he might be willing to switch back.”
“What if he’s not?” I asked.
“Well, ask Bobby,” Danny said. “I mean, that’s your first step, right?”
I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to talk to Bobby, because what if he said no? But I wasn’t dumb enough to think Danny was wrong, because of course I didn’t have any other choice. I hated that part too. I didn’t like being backed into a corner.
“Okay,” I said, looking away from Danny’s concerned expression. “Okay, yeah.”
The thing with Danny was that if he saw I was stewing on something, he’d try to get it out of me, but since the only thingtoget out of me was that I was an asshole, then what was the point? We both already knew that. Sometimes I thought Cash had the right idea. If you didn’t talk to anyone, they gave up trying to ask you shit.
We finished cleaning the grill, and Danny said, “I’m gonna go grab some beers.”
I followed him back inside long enough to see him grab his wallet and then come back for the keys he’d realized he forgot once he got to his truck. Then I went looking for Cash. He wasn’t in our bedroom or the living room, and he wasn’t out front, but I could hear Gracie’s voice and it sounded like she was talking to someone now instead of just singing to herself. Her bedroom door was partway open, so I knocked and pushed it open the rest of the way.
Cash was sitting cross-legged on the floor, wearing a glittery purple tiara and surrounded by stuffed toys. There was a teddy bear perched in his lap, and he was holding out a plastic teacup for Gracie to pour the tea. When the door opened, his shoulders hunched up instinctively, but when he saw it was me, he relaxed again and gave me a half smile.
“Uncle Chase! We’re having a tea party. Do you want to play?” Gracie asked.
I eyed the crowded floor and said, “Maybe another time, okay?”
“Okay,” she said. “There’s your tea, Uncle Cash.”
He eyed his empty cup, his eyebrows raised in a question.
“It’spretend,” Gracie stage-whispered. “Don’t you know how to have a tea party? Wepretend.”
Cash nodded and took a sip of his imaginary tea.
I stepped back and leaned against the wall, closing my eyes. I listened to Gracie continue to chatter to Cash and her toys, andCash’s hums of agreement whenever she asked him a question. It sounded like he was figuring out how it worked.
Don’t you know how to have a tea party?
Even all the pretending in the world wouldn’t have given us tea parties when we were little kids.
I didn’t like to think about how we’d grown up, while at the same time it was always right there, threatening to make me scream and punch the walls out of sheer fucking anger. Except then I’d be just likehim, and I was too much like him already. Dad had hated me, but he’d respected me a bit too. Like, you at least admired the fight in the kicked dog who bites back. But Cash? Cash had never bitten back, and Dad had hated that more.
So no, there had never been any tea parties when we were kids. Never much of anything, except Cash trying to vanish into the shadows and into silence while I yelled and kicked and swore, hoping Dad would take it out on me instead.
I drew a deep breath and opened my eyes, staring at the scuff mark on the wall across from me. Yeah, I didn’t like to think about it, but it was always fuckingthere. Even here, it was always there.
