“Though we could go see a movie,” Lee suggested. “If you want.”
“Okay,” I said. “We can do that.”
Except when I went upstairs to get changed into yesterday’s clothes, I saw three missed calls and a text message on my phone from Miller.
Hey, are you on your way home? Cash isn’t good.
“He’s okay!”Wilder called out when I bolted out of Lee’s still-moving truck in the driveway at home. “I mean, he’s not hurt or anything. He’s just—I don’t know.”
I pushed past him into the house, my heart pounding. “Cash?”
Like he’d fucking answer.
“We’re in here!” Danny called from down the hall.
I followed the sound of his voice into our bedroom. Miller stepped aside to let me through, his expression grave, and I found Danny sitting cross-legged on the ground next to the closet with the door cracked open.
Shit. It had been a long time since Cash had been fucked up enough that he’d had to sit in the closet to feel safe. I crouched next to the door. “Cash?”
The door eased open a couple of inches and Cash’s face came into view. Even half-hidden, I could see the dark shadows under his eyes that told me all I needed to know.
His arms were wrapped around his knees and he was rocking back and forth, his eyes closed.
“Hey, Cash,” I said. “What happened?”
His mouth moved for a while before the words came, and his eyes stayed squeezed shut. “You weren’t—” He bit his lower lip. “He put me under the shower and you weren’t here.”
I felt sick. I glanced behind me to where everyone was fucking hearing this. Even Lee, who must have followed meinside and was standing behind Miller. My eyes stung. “Cash, that didn’t happen last night. That happened a long time ago.”
We must have been eleven or twelve. Our mom had sent me on a walk to go pick up something from her friend. Well, her dealer. Meanwhile, in one of her occasional “I’m an excellent mother” moments of delusion, she’d gone all maternal over Cash and went about getting him ready for bed like he was still a little kid. She’d told him to get into the shower, except the water had been cold and he’d balked. She’d yelled at him, which had gotten our dad’s attention, and by the time I got back all I could hear was Cash screaming and Dad yelling, “Hot enough for you now, you little fuck?”
It hadn’t been like third degree burns or anything—the shower never got hot enough for that—but he’d hurt a lot, and after a couple of days, patches of his skin had peeled off like bad sunburn.
If I’d been there, I would have gotten between him and our dad. I would have distracted him long enough for Cash to run. But I hadn’t been there, and Cash had gotten hurt.
Cash was still rocking, his eyes still squeezed shut. “I was screaming, but you didn’t come.”
“I did,” I said, my throat aching so bad that I didn’t know how the words got out. “I came as soon as I could.”
I didn’t know if we were talking about then or now. It didn’t matter probably. My eyes got hot as tears welled.
“Chase?” Danny asked softly.
I didn’t turn around. “Get out,” I said, my voice hitching. “Just get out, please.”
“Chase?” It was Lee this time, and I hated how worried he sounded.
“Go away,” I said.
“Do you need?—”
“Go away!” I rubbed the heel of my hand against my eyes. “I’ll—I’ll call you, okay? Just go away for now.”
I didn’t hear any of them leave, but when I looked over my shoulder again, the room was empty and the door was closed.
The floor creaked as Cash rocked back and forth. We didn’t have a lot of stuff, so I only had to knock a few pairs of shoes out of the way to make room for me in there as well. I crawled in with him, slotting my legs in between his so that we both fit and wincing a little as my tailbone hit the floor of the closet. Then I reached out and tugged the door closed.
It was dark and quiet except for the sound of our breathing.
