Without a word, Julia filled the electric kettle with water and turned it on. She grabbed two cups out of the cabinet as well as a little box she kept that was filled with various tea bags. We were both quiet during the few minutes it took to heat the water, but once we both had steaming cups of tea, she spoke.
“What did you want to talk about?”
I considered my words carefully.
“The last six weeks have been great. I’ve had a lot of fun with you, and I feel like we’ve become friends. Good friends.”
“I agree,” Julia said, her expression cautious.
“And the sex has been great.”
“The best,” she agreed.
“The thing is, I don’t want to be friends with benefits anymore.”
She leaned back, looking surprised. “Oh. I thought things were going pretty well, but okay, if that’s what you want. We’ve beendating long enough to stage a credible break-up for our parents anyway.”
I stared at her, feeling hurt by her nonchalant attitude about us potentially breaking up. Didn’t she care?
“So that’s it then?” I hoped she didn’t hear the little quiver in my voice.
“Well I’m not going to beg you to hang out with me if you don’t want the same thing as me.”
“The thing is, I don’t want to stage a break-up.”
She huffed out something that was a cross between a laugh and a sigh. “Chris, for God’s sake, it’s after midnight and I’m not a mind reader. What are you trying to tell me?”
“I want us to date for real.”
“I thought we were. Now I’m really confused.”
“We agreed to friends with benefits,” I reminded her. “Not a girlfriend situation.”
“Oh yeah, I know. But the thing is, I only agreed to friends with benefits because I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“I thought friends with benefits was whatyouwanted,” I replied. “I guess we should have both been clearer about our feelings.”
“I’m not good with sex with no feelings, to be honest. I’ve been thinking of you as my girlfriend ever since that second weekend we were together. I just didn’t want to freak you out by being that clingy girl.”
I felt the tension leach out of my body.
“I’ve been thinking of you as my girlfriend too,” I admitted.
“So we’re on the same page?” she asked.
“Sounds like we are. But as long as we’re talking about this, I need to warn you that I’m falling for you.”
“Warn me? Is it dangerous or something?”
“Well no, it’s just that if you don’t have feelings for me yet, I understand, but if you don’t think you ever will, we probably shouldn’t be together.”
“I don’t know where this is going,” she told me. “But I know it’s going somewhere. I want it to go somewhere. But let’s just be us, okay? We don’t need labels and declarations and rules, do we?”
It wasn’t exactly a declaration of love, but for now I’d take it.
“I guess not, as long as I can call you my girlfriend.”
She made some kind of grumbling noise in her throat that clearly indicated impatience.
