The dismissive tone she had was exactly why I’d never mentioned my diagnosis. Mom had always been under the impression that my stimming was something I did to be annoying or get attention. She’d shared that opinion probably thousands of times when I was growing up.
Chris turned to look at me. “Your mom doesn’t know?” she asked curiously.
I shook my head and a look of horror dawned on her face.
“Oh Christ, I’m sorry. I just assumed…”
We’d talked a lot about my ADHD since we’d started dating, but I’d never spoken about the way it affected my relationship with my mother. I had a good relationship with her, overall. She was nosy and overbearing but I loved her and she loved me, that I never doubted. I knew I was lucky to have parents who were accepting of my sexual orientation – they’d scarcely batted an eye when I came out to them – but my ‘fidgeting’ had been a source of contention my whole life. And a source of shame.
“What is she talking about Julia?”
I looked between my parents, then took a few calming breaths before responding.
“A few years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. I’ve done some occupational therapy and I’m on medication, both of which have helped me manage my symptoms, but I often getmedication rebound at night, especially if I have to sit still for a long time, like tonight.”
The server came to drop off the credit card receipt, looked around, then backed away.
“You’ve never mentioned this,” my mother finally said.
I hated that she sounded suspicious, and I knew she was wondering if I was making it up for attention.
“I thought ADHD was for kids,” my father interjected.
“I had it as a kid,” I told him. “The symptoms change and sometimes lessen as you age, but it doesn’t really go away.”
My father nodded. “That explains a lot.”
My mother’s head whipped around to him, then back to me. “I don’t know what to do with this information, Julia.”
“You don’t need to do anything with it, Mom,” I said firmly. “I’m not the one who shared it.”
I saw Chris wince out of the corner of my eye, and her hand tightened on my thigh. I wasn’t mad at her, she had no way of knowing, but I really wished she hadn’t brought it up.
“I never gave you a lot of sugar,” Mom said almost accusingly.
“It’s not about sugar,” I said. “My brain is just wired differently from some people’s. It’s no big deal. ADHD is very common.”
My mother opened her mouth, no doubt to ask me more questions, but Chris stood up quickly, grabbing my hand as she moved.
“Thanks for dinner Dad, Mr. Montego,” she said politely. “But we really need to get going. Come on Julia.”
Before my mother could respond she was pulling me out of the restaurant and around the corner towards our car. Once we were about a block away she stopped and pulled me into her arms, hands clasped around my lower back.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to out you like that.”
“It’s fine.”
“How come you never told her?”
I shook my head. “Because I knew she’d act like I was making it up or make it all about her. And frankly, I feel like my neurodivergence isn’t really her business anyway.”
“Yeah, I get it.” She gave me a long look, then nodded in the direction of my car. “How about we go back to your place, and I make you forget all about ADHD and your mother?”
I leaned forward and gave her a quick peck on the lips. “I think that sounds like a great idea.”
Chris
“Chris, Julia, may I see you in my office after the meeting please?”
