“I see stuff online, Ster,” she says. “I know Mom and Dad do, too. We know you’ve got a lot going on.”
You chew thoughtfully on your meat while you wait to get the words out. “And you drew the short straw on getting to talk to me about it today? Sucks to be you.”
She fixes you with a Look. Capital-L, her amber eyes finding your blue ones. “They don’t want to stress you out worse than however bad it already is. The difference is that I don’t care. So, how bad is it?”
“How bad is what?” you reply blandly, looking down at your beans like they are about to offer up the mysteries of the universe.
“Stop,” she demands. “Cut the shit, Ster. You’re acting like a kid.”
Nobody but Noemi would get away with treating you this way. You wouldn’t be such a brat with anyone else, but you don’t really know why not. Maybe this is the real you, the 30-year-old who sulks and avoids direct communication with people he loves. Maybe you are actually a failure as an adult, and you just mask it really well.
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” you reply finally. “It’s not a great situation. I’m doing the right things. I’m talking to a therapist. I’m letting my PR team handle it. I don’t know what you want from me.”
“WhatIwant from you?” Noemi’s voice goes up an octave, along with her eyebrow. Your sister is a remarkably beautiful woman, but her face gets scary when she’s upset. Like now. “I just want to know if you’re all right. Like, actually. Not whatever bullshit answer you would give a magazine or post on your social media. What are you thinking? How are you going to handle this?”
Sighing, you put the plate back down on the tabletop. It’s only about halfway finished, but the food is getting stuck in your throat with the direction of the current conversation. “It’s complicated, Noemi,” you say finally. “What doesbeing all righteven mean? I’m still working. I’m trying to enjoy the little downtime that I get. I’m sleeping most nights. I go to the gym. I spend time with my partner. Doesn’t that mean I’m doingall right?”
“What does Kai say?”
“What does Kai say aboutwhat?” you echo, and, honestly, you aren’t even being obtuse.
“The whole situation.” She spreads her hands. “Your reputation is getting slammed, Ster. I’ve seen people smashing your albums in parking lots. Calling you a manipulator and a liar. I’ve even seen people on social media wishing your plane would crash. I get that you’re an adult and more famous than anyone, but you’re also my little brother. I’m worried sick about you. Please tell me that you have discussed this with your boyfriend. I know that you’re not great with feelings…”
“That’s not true!” you interject.
“I get it. You make millions of dollars singing about your feelings, right? But not this. Not everything that’s going on. Why haven’t you spoken with Kai about everything?”
You shake your head. “Come on, Noemi. It’s not like he’s oblivious to what’s going on. It’s not like anything is being kept from him. Anything he wants to know, he can just ask me. I’ve never hidden one fucking thing from Kaius.”
“He’s not going toaskyou,” she said, frowning. Like she is saying something obvious. “That’s not in his nature. He’s waiting for you to open up. To come to him.”
All you can do is blink at her.
As long as you’ve been old enough to have awareness of this sort of thing, Noemi has always been… different. She doesn’t refuse to leave the house, but she hates going out. As soon as she gets somewhere, she makes an excuse to go home. She doesn’t hide in her room and refuse to meet people, per se, but she’s incredibly shy and awkward… beyond a normal amount for an introvert. It’s why she didn’t finish college, despite the fact that everyoneknowsshe dropped out to help you mail CDs to radio stations when you were just getting your career off the ground. It’s whyshe moved back home after living with three of her friends for a few years. One by one, they got married and started careers and families. And Noemi? She just… didn’t. It’s fine, obviously. You have enough money to support your family comfortably for ten lifetimes, even if they turn it all down, and your parents still have jobs. One day, if they get old, or want to go somewhere else, you’ll do whatever your sister wants or needs.
But when did she get sowise?
As if taking advantage of your silence, she continues doggedly. “You aren’t even defending yourself. It’s on all of your socials. People are mad that you haven’t made a statement. They want to hear your side. They don’t want to believe GoGo, but they also have nothing from you to go off of.”
“Maybe I don’t want to dignify that bullshit with a response.”
“Maybeyou ‘not dignifying’ it just means that you look guilty,” Noemi fires back.
It’s not exactly a novel concept; people on your team have introduced the same theory. Everything inside you wants to stay mum regarding GoGo. To hold all that ugliness inside and refuse to react. Growing up, you always felt that he who blinks first, loses. Let GoGo sling his arrows. You have nothing to defend, and nobody is owed a comment.
But, still… you haven’t considered the impact on your loved ones. On Mom and Dad watchingAccess Hollywoodand seeing tabloid covers in the checkout line. On Noemi, fuming behind her laptop screen.On Kai.
“I’ll take it under consideration,” you say, finally. “Maybe I’ll give the team some talking points and let them craft a statement.”
The smile that breaks over her face is great. Bright and relieved.
“Thank you,” she says, obviously meaning it. “Now, finish that plate before it goes bad.”
You glance at the half-eaten food. “Eh. I don’t know. I think I lost my appetite.”
She tuts at you in a way that, if you closed your eyes, you could swear came straight from your mother’s mouth. “You’re getting too thin,” she says. “Nobody wants to see a bag of bones shaking his ass on stage. Besides, don’t you want Kai to have something to hold onto?”
Sighing, you pick up the plate. “Why does everyone feel the need to comment on my sex life?”
