Fern:What word comes to mind when you think about GoGo Heller?
Frank:Um… “Record-setting fines?”
Fern:That’s three, my man.
Frank:Ooh! I know. “Booger sugar.”
Fern:Two words. And let’s go ahead and clarify that’s only a rumor, okay? Not looking to get our program sued. The word that comes to mind when I think of GoGo is “flash.” Which is why it’s so apropos that he’s got a new home in the Flash Capital of the United States.
Frank:Yup. GoGo’s gone to Vegas. He’s a Rogue now. Not that he wasn’t a rogue before…
Fern:Honestly, I’m surprised it took the Cyclones releasing him for GoGo to make his way to Sin City. You’ve gotta figure that he’s in his natural habitat, right? The lights, the showgirls, the spectacle…
Frank:Now, now, Fern. That’s a newlywed you’re talking about.
Fern:That’s right! He did get married this past weekend, didn’t he? Said that he was inspired by the bright lights to bump the engagement up and make things official. Not that he “said” it, because his jaw’s still wired shut. Think he signed his vows?
Frank:Hard to say. Well, mazel tov to him and the new Mrs. GoGo. What’s her name again? Gracie?
Fern:Gabrielle.
Frank:Best wishes to Gabrielle and GoGo. It kind of makes you wonder about the Cyclones, though, doesn’t it?
Fern:What about?
Frank:They booted GoGo’s ass on a Monday, and announced that they finally had snagged the Train on a sweet new deal that Friday. Coincidence? You know what they say: there are no coincidences in the NFA. The scriptwriters don’t like them.
Fern:I’ve actually never heard that saying, Frank. Who says that?
Frank:I think I heard it from my mom, honestly.
Fern:Well, far be it from me to contradict Mama Allyoop. But, to answer your question… nah, I don’t think so. If it were any other pair of beefing players in the Association, I’d question it, but not Kaius Reinhart. You think he actually gave the Cyclones front office an ultimatum? Because I don’t. The man is class through and through. If there’s the opposite of a drama queen, look it up in the dictionary—there’s a picture of Reinhart.
Frank:You aren’t lying. But that’s the rumor. Whispers say that he wanted GoGo to… uh, go-go. Get gone.
Fern:Because of something to do with Sterling Grayson?
Frank:Maybe?
Fern:No offense to Sterling Grayson, but I think, as a member of sports media, we’ve yapped enough about him. I don’t care if he shows up naked to the season opener and stands on his head, you know? It’s all a big distraction from gridiron business.
Frank:You realize that you are talking about this in the same breath as mentioning GoGo Heller, who made an off-the-cuff explicit reference on social media as to how he was going to go home and, um, vigorously celebrate with his new wife, right?
Fern:He did say that he was going to celebrate all night—four or five times, I believe he claimed.
Frank:That’s one thing about GoGo Heller. His mouth is the only thing that runs faster than his feet. The question is, will he be good for putting up big numbers with the Rogues? I know they aren’t spending $90 million over three years to listen tohim brag about his conquests and try to make excuses for getting banned from another resort. As it is, remember that he’s suspended for the first three games of the season.
Fern:To clarify, he’s only banned from one resort, and that was because he refused to pay for the glass door he smashed at the draft party after Miami signed Nyko Waters as a backup for GoGo.
Frank:Yeah, one resort that we know of.
Fern:I’m rooting for GoGo. I love a good comeback story, and he’s certainly primed for one.
Frank:The scriptwriters love it, too.
Fern:You are going to get us kicked off the air with the scriptwriting allegations, Frank. We’ve talked about this. Anyway, let’s take a short break. When we come back, we’ll chatter about minicamp dates. I know I’m counting the days! See you in a few…
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