He was so beautiful. Unfairly so, with those big dark eyes and one single strand of hair out of place from the Ferris wheel stress.
Felix wanted to push it back into place. Felix wanted to kiss him. Felix wanted all of Jacob. But he would settle for scraps, as always.
He tore his gaze away from Jacob’s small smile. Jacob had asked him to experience a few firsts, not date him. Kissing at the top of a Ferris wheel was dating behavior. It didn’t matter how much Felix ached for him. That wasn’t what Felix was for. It never was. Felix was good for sex, nothing else. Nobody ever came out and said it, but it was pretty fucking clear by now.
The wheel lurched into motion again. The cheering died down, punctuated by a few stray laughs that did a bad job of covering everybody’s fear of the horrendous death trap they were strapped into.
Felix clapped, ignoring how his eyes were suddenly burning. “Whoo! Okay, what’s next in Jacob’s big journey? Skydiving? Driving without a seatbelt? There’s a party at that frat house you hate, you could do keg stands!”
Jacob laughed, strained. He was clutching the barrier again. But his arm had moved while Felix was angsting—it was now angled in front of Felix, like he was preparing to catch him if he fell.
“I won’t promise any keg stands,” Jacob said. “But tell me more about this party.”
CHAPTER 8
The thing about comfort zones, Jacob considered as he squinted around the dimly lit frat party, was how much it sucked to step out of them.
Comfort zones were—bydefinition—comfortable. Jacob liked quiet. He liked solitude. He liked environments that were easy to control.
This house party was none of those. It was loud, for one. And so packed with people it was difficult to move without bumping into someone. Thanks to an eye-watering pair of strobe lights, it was both too dark and too bright all at once.
And to top it all off, Felix had left him. Felix always left him at these things as soon as he had a few drinks, no matter what he promised at the start of the night.
Jacob craned his neck. Thankfully he was tall enough to see over most of these dancing drunkards, which meant he could spot a familiar crop of blond hair attached to a short body making its way through the crowd. Jacob watched Felix approach, every atom of him screaming for Felix to go faster, to not leave him here alone?—
Something cold and sticky splashed over his shoe. Jacob looked down to see his sneaker soaked with beer, a freshman gaping at it as yet more beer dripped from his cup.
“Dude,” the freshman slurred. “Sorry.”
Jacob forced down the urge to yell at the guy and forced a smile. “It’s fine.”
The guy stumbled away through the crowd. Jacob dropped his smile, turning back to Felix’s blond head making its way to him. He had never yelled at anyone in his life except Felix. Never argued with anyone except him. It had been such a relief, having someone he didn’t have to be polite to, someone who pushed and niggled until Jacob unleashed everything that he couldn’t show anyone else.
Felix insisted he loved it. That Jacob should let loose more. But Jacob couldn’t help being worried that if he let Felix see everything inside him, evenhewould recoil. Jacob barely knew what was inside him half the time. If he was so freaked out by it, it couldn’t be anything good.
Felix emerged through the crowd with a triumphant cry, holding two beers aloft.
“Paydirt,” he said nonsensically, pushing a plastic cup into Jacob’s hand. “Let me guess: you’ve already made a bunch of new friends while I was gone!”
“Ha, ha,” Jacob said sourly.
Felix thumped his forehead into Jacob’s shoulder. “Come on, man! Peoplelikeyou when you try. You just never try!”
Jacob grunted into his beer. Peopledidlike him, he supposed. But if he wasn’t around Felix, he was so polite and quiet he faded into the background. And if Felix wasthere, why would he bother with anyone else?
“I betyoumade new friends on the way to the drinks,” Jacob said.
“A few people stopped to chat,” Felix acknowledged. “What can I say? I’m a people person.”
Jacob snorted. He was being bitter and he knew it. But he couldn’t help thinking back to their high school days, when Felix stuck to him like glue. Then they got to college, and Felix was talking toeveryone, finally free of the people they’d been stuck with in their tiny hometown.
“Now,” Felix said, scanning the room. “Who should we talk to first? Those guys look fun. Over there, with the lighter.”
Jacob didn’t look at whatever some idiots were doing with a lighter.
“Don’t leave me after a few drinks,” he blurted.
Felix made a face. “What? I don’t do that!”
