“’S what happens when you make a guy come in his pants,” Felix said, the words slow and bleary. He opened his mouth again, then hesitated.
“What?” Jacob asked distractedly, eyeing the door.
Felix didn’t reply. When Jacob looked back, Felix was touching the tuft of hair that Jacob had just pushed behind his ear.
“Felix,” Jacob prompted.
Felix startled. “What? Nothing. Wanna watch a movie?”
CHAPTER 9
Entry to Liberty Heights Biannual Puppy Day was five dollars.
Felix did not have five dollars left after his weekly chore lessons. Luckily, hedidhave a roommate who was much happier to lend him money after he started getting laid on the regular.
“So,” Shane said as they petted two adorable labrador puppies in the designated Patting Area, normally the yoga space in the campus gym. “How are things going with Jacob?”
Felix pretended not to hear him, bending over to nuzzle the labrador who had climbed into his lap. “Who’s a perfect little baby?Youare, yes you are!”
Shane snorted. Felix hugged the puppy, hoping Shane would drop it. Liberty Heights Biannual Puppy Day was meant to de-stress the students, and talking about Jacob wouldnothelp with that.
“I think you should get a puppy when you move into your new place,” Felix said. “How much is pet rent?”
Shane shot him a wary look over the labrador puppy’s head. “Never say that to Nate. He wants a dogsobad. Abigdog.”
“You don’t sound very enthused.”
“Big dogs are hard! They can drag you everywhere, and they have so much energy!”
“So does Nate! It’s a win-win!”
“We can’t afford it,” Shane said, scratching absentmindedly at the sleepy puppy in his lap. “Don’t say that shit to Nate.”
Felix pouted, holding his own puppy up to kiss his nose. “Hear that, puppy? Shane doesn’t want you.”
“Don’ttellhim that,” Shane said. He sounded scowly, but he was smiling.
Felix sat the puppy back down in his lap, fighting back a tide of bitterness. It wasgoodthat Shane was smiling more than ever. It wasgoodhe was finding his own place with a boyfriend he was stupidly in love with. Felix just couldn’t help but be stupidly, uselessly jealous.
“So,” Shane said again. “Jacob.”
“Everything’s normal,” Felix insisted, playing with his puppy’s soft ears. “We hang out! We watch annoying foreign movies with subtitles that he wants to watch, then we watch fun movies that I want to watch. Also we have sex sometimes.”
He kissed his puppy’s head, trying to focus on the cuteness and not the memory of Jacob’s body against his. He had been weirdly relieved that Jacob didn’t fuck him for real at that party. Sure, he would have loved it. But it would have opened up something inside him that was better left closed. It was dumb, but Felix always found anal weirdly intimate. He wouldn’t have been able to hold in his emotions. Even though he would have to do itsometime—it was on The List, after all. He just needed to make sure he could hold back his feelings before then.
Good luck,he told himself morosely. He’d never been able to hold back on anything when it came to Jacob. The only reason he’d been able to hold back on asking for sex was because he knew what would happen if he did: he would fall apart, completely and utterly.
It was coming. Felix could feel it. He just hoped he could hide it when it finally happened.
Shane cleared his throat. He was serious about this, Felix realized with surprise. He was actually pursuing this difficult conversation. Since when did Shane willingly talk about uncomfortable shit?
“Just saying,” Shane began. “It might be good for you guys to, you know… talk about this shit. Before someone gets hurt.”
Felix laughed so loud his puppy startled. Felix didn’t even pat him in apology, too caught up in the ridiculousness of it all. “Doth my ears deceive me?” he demanded. “Shane fucking Turner, lecturingmeon having a serious conversation? You fooled around with your boyfriend formonthsbefore finally nutting up and asking him out!”
“Yeah,” Shane said with a frown. “Which is why I’m saying you should do it. I’ve been where you are. I would’ve saved us a lot of time if I just had that conversation.”
Felix snorted, petting his puppy calm and accepting a lick on the chin. He really thought nobody knew about his love for Jacob until Shane yelled at him about it. Told him he was a pathetic coward and that he should get over it. Or something. Felix didn’t remember the exact words, but he was pretty sure that was the gist of it.
