“If this is about our fight—” Jacob started.
Felix groaned. “Oh mygod, not everything’s about you!”
“I’m not saying everything’s about me,” Jacob said. “I just?—”
He fell silent as Felix stepped closer and slid his hands over Jacob’s shirt.
“Don’t let him sleep on your couch even if he begs,” Felix murmured in a mocking tone, tugging at Jacob’s top button.“Too bad you like it when I beg, huh? What would mommy and daddy say?”
Jacob should have quipped back. That’s what he would have done a few months ago. He should have gotten flustered and defensive and bitched back at him, culminating in an argument that would hopefully lead to them rolling around on the floor before Jacob pinned him.
But Jacob didn’t want to get defensive. He didn’t particularly want to get flustered, despite the sweat gathering on the back of his neck. He wanted…
Hewanted. God, he wanted somuch. He never knew how much he wanted until Felix awoke it in him.
“You’re such a little shit,” Jacob said, just like he knew Felix expected him to. Then, before Felix could respond, he grabbed Felix by the thighs and hauled him up.
Felix yelped. Then he cackled, throwing his arms around Jacob’s neck and letting himself get carted to the bed. He was still laughing when Jacob dropped him onto it, so wildly and joyously Jacob thought that maybe everything would be okay. So they had a fight—so what? It was over, and their friendship would continue, unchanged.
After Jacob found a way to fall out of love with him, anyway.
“Whole new Jacob,” Felix breathed as Jacob climbed on top of him. “Who’da thunk it? Look at you. Soon you’ll be doing wheelies on a Harley Davidson.”
Jacob hesitated. Apparently, he hesitated a moment too long, because Felix narrowed his eyes.
“Jacob,” he said. “What’s with the face?”
Jacob sighed. “I… kind of have an appointment tomorrow. To try out a motorcycle.”
Felix yelped triumphantly, writhing underneath him.
Jacob smiled reluctantly, unable to hide it. “You’re coming, right?”
Felix’s grin faded. Jacob suddenly realized how close they were and sat up, feeling caught out, as if his parents had walked in. It seemed to be the right move, because Felix immediately wriggled out from underneath him and stood.
“Actually,” Felix said, straightening his T-shirt, “I have a thing.”
Jacob frowned. “What thing? You don’t have a thing. I didn’t even say what time I was going.”
“It’s all day,” Felix claimed.
“Cancel it.”
“Can’t.” Felix shot him a crooked smile, but Jacob knew something was terribly wrong. Felix wouldn’t meet his eyes, fiddling with his shirt. “Hey, uh… about the list. We’re finished, right?”
Jacob felt like he’d been doused in cold water. He nodded robotically. “Sure,” he said. “Yeah.”
“Just making sure,” Felix said. “I mean, if there was anything else you wanted to do…”
“Like what?” Jacob asked, heart pounding. Did Felix want to try something new? Was he going to say yes to fisting after all? Or was he going to make a joke, like usual?
Felix shrugged, scuffing his shoe against the carpet. “Anything.”
Love me,Jacob thought. But he shook his head again, hoping Felix couldn’t tell how bitter he felt. How angry he was at himself for having all these ridiculous, useless emotions and no way to talk about them.
“No,” Jacob lied. “There’s nothing.”
Whatever Felix was doing, Jacob thought as he kicked the motorcycle stand back and straddled the seat the next day, it had to beimportant. Felix canceled on things all the time ifit meant he could hang out with Jacob. Even if it was just to watch a movie. It was how he lost his first job in freshman year. The idea that Felix didn’t come to watch him ride a motorcycle because he had some mysterious, unmissable thing made Jacob unmeasurably worried. Felix insisted all was forgiven, but obviouslysomethinghad changed since their fight.
