“Me neither,” Jacob said softly.
Felix looked up again. There was a fleck of chocolate on his cheek. Jacob wiped it off with his thumb then sucked it off, tasting Felix’s tears under the sweetness.
The moment stretched. Felix stared at him, his eyes big and uncertain. The desire that Jacob had been refusing to look at for most of his life surged to the surface, making his arms tighten around Felix so hard he had to force himself to stop.
But before he could apologize for it, Felix asked, “Are you proud of me for not doing a Kermit impression?”
Jacob blinked. “What?”
“A Kermit impression,” Felix repeated, like it was obvious. He held up his hand like it was inside an invisible puppet.
Finally it clicked. Jacob burst out laughing, so loudly and hysterically it shocked them both.
“Wow,” Felix said, grinning. “Okay. It wasn’tthatfunny.”
Jacob cackled, curling around him joyously. He couldn’t talk, only gasp for breath and wait for the laughter to subside. He couldn’t believe it took him so long to realize his feelings. How could he not be in love with his best friend?
“Fuck, man,” Jacob wheezed when he could speak again. “I love you.”
There was a moment when he thought he’d ruined everything. But Felix barely missed a beat. He just stopped for a moment, then lay down against Jacob’s still chest.
“Yeah,” Felix said, so muffled Jacob could hardly make it out. “Love you too, bud.”
CHAPTER 19
Felix sat on his suitcase, swearing.
“Close,” he hissed, jerking the zipper. “Close, you son of a bitch!”
He yanked the zipper again. It didn’t budge.
He groaned, slapping his suitcase lid. He didn’t even have a lot of stuff! Not like Shane, who had to get actual moving boxes when he moved out this morning, grunting as he carried his old notebooks and stacks of hardcovers to Nate’s new car.
There was a knock on the door. Fast, polite, and efficient.
Felix ignored a surge of bitterness and called, “It’s open!”
The dorm door swung open. Jacob walked in, frowning when he spotted Felix on top of his suitcase.
“You’re already packing?” Jacob said. “We don’t have to get out of dorms for two days.”
Felix shrugged and jumped off his suitcase. “Yeah, but we start paying rent today. Might as well get our money’s worth. And I’m doing dinner over there tonight, so.”
“Right,” Jacob said. “Sure. I’ll be there.”
“Cool.” Felix pulled the suitcase zipper, more so he didn’t have to look at Jacob than anything else. Looking at Jacob made him want to cry. Or kiss him. He didn’t know which was worse.
“Here,” Jacob said. He pressed his big hands onto the suitcase, and Felix held back a shiver as he remembered one of those big hands inside him.
He pulled the zipper. It slid reluctantly closed, and Felix let out a triumphant gasp.
“Thank fuck,” he said. “Thought I’d have to hold it closed with my arms. Thank god I don’t own any books.”
Jacob stood back, those big hands going in his pockets. “I still don’t know how you can do an English degree without buying any books.”
“Begging, borrowing, and stealing,” Felix assured Jacob, flashing him a smirk. He could do this, he told himself. He could be normal. Even if their new ‘normal’ meant Felix pulling back and turning this friendship from weird and codependent to normal and boring.
“Final exam go okay?” Jacob asked.
