“What the fuck were you doing, Ethan?” she asks again, the sharpness of her tone making me flinch. I can’t do anything but gape at her in shock, swallowing the sudden lump in my throat.
It’s only when Luke reaches up to take my hands away from his face that I come back to some conscious awareness. I turn to him with wide eyes, seeing how he looks as mortified as I feel, his face slightly pale. But there’s a firm resignation behind his eyes as he releases me, a quiet acceptance written in his expression as he searches my face before dropping his gaze. His jaw clenches, and he turns away. It’s peculiar, almost like he’s bracing for some kind of brutal impact. My brain feels sluggish, even asit races with a million ideas about what he could be thinking, trying to decipher his reaction.
Then my heart all but stops as understanding hits me like a comet crashing to earth, digging a crater in my chest, zapping all the air from my lungs.
He’s bracing himself for the moment I deny our relationship to save face, throwing all the blame on him as if I wasn’t actively participating in that kiss. He’sexpectingme to pushhimaway,like he honestly thinks I’m going to hide the truth at the first test of exposure because I’m still not ready to come out yet. And what’s worse, he’s clearly willing to let me do it, like some self-sacrificial lamb readily offering himself up for slaughter—penance to assuage his guilty conscience for exposing Frank earlier.
All of these thoughts flit over his face as clearly as if I were reading them from a page in a book. It roots me to the spot, gripping my heart in a vise. In that split second of recognition, it becomes abundantly clear to me what I have to do—what I should have done much sooner.
I reach out and grab Luke’s hand from his lap, squeezing his fingers tightly. He nearly recoils from the touch, snapping his head up to gape at me in surprise. Then he studies my face quickly before frowning with genuine concern. The question in his eyes is crystal clear.Are you sure this is what you want to do?
With a small smile, I squeeze his hand in answer, my eyes never leaving his.
“I was kissing my boyfriend,” I state firmly, the words fitting nicely in my mouth. The quiet relief in Luke’s eyes bolsters my resolve that this is the right call.
“You’re joking, right?” Chrissy sneers, her voice dripping with disgust. “This isn’t funny, Ethan.”
I look at her with confusion. “I’m not laughing.”
This seems to bring her up short, and for a moment, she just stares at me in utter disbelief. Then her face swiftly goes dark, and it’s like watching her shift into a completely different person at the flip of a switch. Gone is the girlish charm, the aura of sugar and sundrops, replaced with a snarling demon looking to draw blood instead.
“Do you mean to tell methisis why you didn’t want to go out with me?” she snaps. Her tone is incredulous, and I feel my whole body tense as she emphasizes ‘this,’ like she’s referring to Luke specifically as a thing rather than referring to the situation itself.
“Only in part,” I say honestly, my brows furrowing.
Chrissy laughs. It’s laced with cruelty, but there's something more—something I can’t quite put my finger on.
“So, you’re fucking him,” she says harshly.
I frown, still on the edge of confusion. “We’redating, yes.”
Chrissy laughs dryly. “I’m such an idiot. You played me for such a fool.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Youasked me out.Youwanted to go out on a date. Wekissed.” Chrissy’s face goes slightly pale with horror, and she brings her fingers to her lips as if she can still feel the sensation, the memory bringing a new wave of disgust. “You lied to me.”
“I never lied to you, Chrissy.” I shake my head. “I told you that we weren’t a good fit.”
“While casually omitting the fact that you’re a fuckingfaggot,” she snaps, and I recoil slightly at the unexpected hatred dripping from her words, along with the surprising slur. Coming from her, it feels so much crueler. I didn’t think she was capable of such vitriol.
Luke stiffens beside me, and I glance back to see him staring blankly at the ground, almost dissociatively. He’s frozen like astatue, his face a mask of horror, but he’s got my hand in a vise grip.
“You’redisgusting,Ethan,” Chrissy spits. It sparks an immediate response of anger in me.
“I’m sorry. What exactly is offending you here?” I snap back, feeling my face flush with my rising irritation. “Is it the fact that I’m datinghimor that I’m not interested inyou?”
Suddenly, the glass of water in her hand is emptied of its contents as she hurls the liquid at me. Water hits my face, drenching my hair and the front of my shirt, and the world stills. It’s so sudden that I’m stunned speechless. I spit out what got into my mouth, and after wiping a hand over my face, I turn my eyes back up to Chrissy to see that she looks slightly shocked, almost like she can’t believe she just did that. But she doesn’t look remorseful.
With a heavy sigh, I get up from the ground. Chrissy takes an involuntary step back, clearly mistaking it as a sign of aggression, even though I haven’t moved any closer to her. That must be what’s expected of me, though, because even Luke grips my hand tightly as if he thinks I’m about to do something I shouldn’t. After all, I am nearly a foot taller than Chrissy and a man. Violence is the statistically typical response, and the irony is laughable.
Luke’s face is pinched in misery, his cheeks flushed with humiliation, and he looks profoundly uncomfortable and tense. My skin prickles with annoyance, and a flurry of emotion rears its head in my chest at the sight of his pain. This whole situation is more fucked than I could have anticipated, and I can feel my blood boiling, my entire body pulsing in time. When I turn back to look at Chrissy, the scowl on my face makes her flinch.
“Why did you even come out here?” I ask. “If you have such a problem with gay people, why bother bringing Luke water and napkins, acting like you’re trying to help?”
“I’m not heartless.” Chrissy scoffs.
“Clearly. You’re a paragon of sainthood.” I gesture to the front of my drenched shirt.
