“I can’t afford it, for one. I can’t afford to take the time off work, and I don’t have any vacation days.”
“I’ll pay for it.” I insist. “You don’t need to pay for anything. And you can call in sick at work. No one will know the difference.”
“But….” Luke starts, blinking rapidly with bewilderment. “I can’t justleave.”
“Why not? It’ll be like a vacation. What have you got going on that’s so important you can’t skip town for at least a week?”
Luke stares at me silently as if he’s trying to determine if I’ve been abducted by aliens and replaced with a shape-shifting lizard person in the form of his boyfriend.
“Are you serious?” he asks cautiously. “You really want to go?”
I smile, my eyes searching Luke’s face in the dark. It’s hard to miss the vulnerability behind his eyes, the dare to hope for something he didn’t think was possible before this moment.
In the back of my mind, I know I’m actively driving the final nail in the coffin of certainty that our paths will soon diverge. This will only prove to me how incompatible we are, killing any last hope of us ever staying together, but if there’s a chance to make him happy now, I have to take it.
“I want to see your world,” I say softly. Luke lets out a blubbery laugh, and it’s easy to hear the quiet relief in it.
It’s noticeable how this spontaneous suggestion instantly brightens his mood. The storm cloud over his head totally evaporates, revealing a new man with how sunny and refreshed he is as he goes on to plan out our upcoming trip. It’s the freest I’ve seen him in days.
He talks for almost an hour with unrepressed joy as we curl back up in each other’s arms under the covers. He tells me exactly what he wants us to do while we’re there. We’ll go to the Met and see some shows on Broadway. He’s got friends who can get us in to see Hamilton and Hadestown during the week for the matinees because she owes him a favor. Then he gushes about his favorite place to get boba tea in Chinatown and the best bakery in Little Italy with this one apricot cheesecake that is todiefor. Then there’s all the street art in East Village and around the Lower East Side, not to mention the bars and clubs…
I listen contentedly as he lists everything of interest until it seems impossible we’ll be able to accomplish it all in only a week’s time. It’s palpable how excited he is as he describes everything heneedsme to see, almost like the idea of bringingme into his world is too important to get it wrong. I feel a swell of pride for being able to give Luke back a bit of this happiness that he’s been missing. Seeing the sadness disappear is the most beautiful thing in the world. My body relaxes to the sound of his saccharine voice while his fingers play with my hair.
I can feel myself drifting in and out of consciousness, my thoughts losing clarity, and I feel myself being pulled deeper into oblivion. I can tell when I start dreaming, still on the edge of wakefulness, but floating between realities as Luke’s colorful descriptions come to life. His gentle caress and the warmth of our bodies being thoroughly entangled have such a soothing effect that there’s no point in fighting it.
And in the midst of this sinking deeper into the void of sleep, I dream I hear Luke whisper the words, “I love you,” against my ear as loud and clear as if they were really spoken, and it makes my skin tingle with euphoria. God, how I wish it were real.
Chapter Thirty-Six
New York Bound
Beforeweknowit,the first week of November arrives, and Luke and I officially make our voyage to New York City. We fly out that Saturday morning and plan to return the following Sunday night, giving us an entire week to see the sights and catch up with Luke’s friends.
I don’t tell Luke I splurged on first-class tickets, even though it’s less than a two-hour flight from Detroit, because I don’t want to cause him any undue guilt for how much it cost. Instead, I act like we got a free upgrade as soon as we get to the airport. Airlines do that kind of thing all the time, so I’m sure it’s believable. It was worth it for the legroom alone, and the difference in cost was insignificant anyway. Or, at least, insignificant to me.
But seeing the childlike delight on Luke’s face as he settles into the luxurious first-class recliner and sips on a glass of sparkling (also mysteriously complimentary) champagne is priceless. Besides, it feels like I’m taking a page out of Luke’s book of life when I remember his mantra, “If you’re already going to do something, why not do it spectacularly?”
From the moment I get on the plane, until the massive New York City skyline peaks its way over the horizon, I can feel my anxiety steadily increasing. My hands shake at the idea of descending into the concrete jungle, and I try my best to hide them by stuffing them in my jacket pockets as we walk through the terminal toward baggage claim to pick up our duffels. It only works until Luke notices that I’ve gone practically rigid, and he gently puts his arm through mine, holding onto me tightly.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” he says with a slight chuckle, but the pressure of his grip tells me he’s taking my stress level very seriously. “I’ve got you.”
Those three little words are more potent than anything else he could have said, and I can feel my heart settle with the promise. It’s a strong reminder that he won’t let anything happen to me. Still, it’s hard to imagine how I’m going to react to the city itself if I’m this freaked out when we haven’t even left the airport yet.
“It’s another hour from here by train before we’re there,” Luke says off-handedly.
“Wait… Aren’t we already in New York City?” I blink with confusion.
“Yes, but this is Queens. We need to get across town to Chelsea in Manhattan.”
“An hour across asinglecity?” I blink. At best, it’s only ever taken five to ten minutes to get from one end of a town line to another back home. Anything longer than that, and you’ll inevitably cross a border or two. I knew New York City was massive, but I don’t think I fully understood the scale until now.
“It’s a little quicker by car, but when you account for cab fare? Forget about it. The train is much cheaper.”
I feel my eye twitch slightly at the mention of cost, and I realize I’ve made a terrible mistake. It didn’t occur to me to consider the different modes of transportation available when we made these plans. Having no experience with getting around the city,I deferred to Luke in that area, but I didn’t account for the fact that he would make the more economical choice in an effort to save money. Now I wonder if it’s too late to get him to reconsider his choice, or would it be incredibly offensive of me to suggest we take the expensive cab instead? The thought of getting on a train surrounded by dozens of people, all whileunderground… A shudder runs through me.
Despite my apprehension, I bite my tongue and follow Luke’s lead, reminding myself that he’s here with me and won’t let me get lost in the New York City subway system. It’ll be an adventure, I suppose. Lord knows I need to be more open to those…
After a very long walk through the airport, Luke has us get on the AirTrain, and the short ride across Queens gives me a glimpse of the enormity of this place. Where we are now reminds me a little bit of the outer suburbs of Detroit, with all the little houses crammed together next to busy freeways. There are little to no yards or any stretches of property, but spurts of greenery dot the otherwise built-up space. The random graffiti tags make it feel oddly like home, too. But I can also see some of the skyscrapers in the distance, and my stomach drops. They make Detroit’s look like toothpicks in comparison.
