Because I love you,I think, the words right on the tip of my tongue.Just say it, Ethan. Just fuckingsayit.I. Love. You. It’s not that difficult. Now’s the perfect time to blurt it out—what are you waiting for?
And yet, the words stay securely barred behind my teeth. The longer I go without saying anything, the harder it becomes to conceptualize the reality. The myriad fears circulate like a storm cloud above my head, holding me back. This time, they’re more complicated than before.
It’s too soon. You’re the only one who feels likethis. He wouldn’t reciprocate. He’ll feel trapped, like you tricked him by bringing his cat here, and he’ll feel obligated to say it back, but it won’t be genuine. You’ll ruin everything you’ve got going for you. He’ll think you’re nuts that you bought a house for him. Jesus, what were you thinking? Now’s not the time.
Almost as if Luke can hear the thoughts raging inside my head, he pulls back from me, staring into my eyes, searching for something behind them. He opens his mouth as if he’s about to speak but closes it again with a slight shake of his head—almost imperceptible. He reaches out and gently brushes a hand over my cheek, and his lips twist into that tantalizing little half-smile, making my heart skip a beat. He leans in and kisses me softlybut passionately, possessively holding my face in his grip like in all my romantic fantasies. It sends a shiver down my spine, and with his touch, the negative voice in my head is silenced—almost as if it never existed at all.
Chapter Forty
Broken
Whenwereturntowork the next day, Luke and I effortlessly fall into our typical Monday routine as if my world hasn’t experienced a monumental shift. It feels particularly strange for me to dip back into my rut when I know I’ve expanded so far beyond its borders, but for now, I’ve decided to keep up the pretense until I’ve found the right moment to reveal everything to Luke.
However, within the first hour of the day, things take an unexpected turn, throwing the delicate balance out of whack.
There’s a sudden fuss as Mike, the foreman, meets up with Denise, the office manager—a woman we rarely see out of her workspace—and they take to the floor, heading through the shop on a mission. It’s so unusual to seeher, and even more so seeing the two of them together, that everyone immediately knows what it means. There’s only one reason Denise is ever involved in a meeting with someone from the floor, and that’s because she’s the closest thing we have to HR.
Someone is getting fired.
The shop nearly reaches a standstill as we watch the two of them walk toward their unsuspecting victim, trying to figure out who it could be. I seriously hope it’s Frank.
It turns out to be Luke instead.
I freeze in shock as they stop at his workstation and ask him to follow them back to the main office. Luke looks between them, completely confused, before glancing at me, trying to gauge the meaning of this—he’s still too new to pick up on the gravity of her presence in this situation. But he must be able to see the panic on my face because he frowns, though he doesn’t say anything as he follows the superiors to the little room for privacy, where they can discuss their business. As if everyone doesn’t already know what’s happening.
I can feel my blood boiling with confusion and anger as I grapple with the reasons why something like this would be happening now, of all times. Luke hasn’t fucked up at his job, and his production has been fine. Apart from the few minor run-ins with Frank, there haven’t been any fireable offenses. The only other thing that comes to mind is bigotry.
And it seems I’m right. After a few minutes, Luke angrily storms out of the office and heads back to his workstation, his cheeks flushed red. Mike’s on his heels, struggling to keep up with his pace. But he has the common sense to stand a reasonable distance away as Luke furiously gathers his things from the bench, almost like he’s worried Luke might hit him if he gets too close. I might hit him anyway.
“What did they say?” I ask, moving closer to Luke.
“Somebody fucking snitched on me,” he snaps, the anger rolling off him like a wave. “They showed them my Instagram account, and all the pictures I took while we were in New York. Since I called off sick without the PTO to use, and obviously don’t have a doctor’s note to corroborate my lie, they’re firing me.”
“What?Who the fuck would have done that?” I demand, my eyes scanning the shop. Who would even know Lukehadan Instagram account to follow?
“They wouldn’t say. But it doesn’t matter. I get no second chances.”
“They’re firing you just like that? No write-up, no warning?” My mind runs straight to Luke’s money problems.He needed this job. What will he do now? Would he let me pay his bills?
“Just like that. But let’s be honest, they’ve beenwaitingfor the opportunity to get rid of the queer, so they’re taking it. They only hired me in the first place as a favor to my dad’s memory, but now they feel they’ve done their part and can wash their hands of me.”
“Maybe if I talk to them….”
“No,” Luke orders, snapping his eyes to mine, his jaw clenched.
“I was on that trip, too.”
“It’s not worth it.”
“But it’s notright,” I growl, surprised at the vehemence behind my words.
“Yeah, well… Welcome to my life. The Universe: proudly serving injustice since 1993.”
“Well, then I’ll quit.”
“Absolutely not.” Luke laughs humorlessly. “I’m not letting you quit your job because I lost mine. That’s pointless.”
“It’s not pointless.” I shake my head, frowning. “Luke, I don’t evenneed—”
