The simple act of having him hold me through it—the physical connection—is enough to break me apart completely. Luke pulls me closer, his hands bringing life back into my numb limbs. I can feel his own rattling breath as he starts to cry, brought to tears by my visceral reaction.
“I know how hard this must have been for you to go through,” he says softly, his head pressed to mine. “And I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there to help you. But I promise you that I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here. I’mstayingright here.”
I cling to his promise more tightly than I can even cling to him at this moment, afraid of hurting him. He doesn’t even seem to care if I was. He’s holding me together, even while I unravel around him. I let everything loose, all my damaged parts on full display, and Luke—blessed, beautiful, perfect Luke—stays with me, loving me through it.
At some point, after crying myself out, I must have fallen asleep. I don’t remember drifting off or even how I managed to stop crying, but my body must have given out from the exhaustion.
The next thing I know, I’m woken up with a little jolt as Luke freezes beneath me, and he starts to speak, the deep rumble of his voice moving through his chest beneath my head.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” he snaps, the words so harsh it startles me. “Get out.”
“Luke….” It’s a woman’s voice.
“Get. Out.”
My head feels like it’s been underwater, my eyes raw and puffy, but I open them slowly, the only part of my body that moves. I look up to see Luke’s mother standing at the other end of the bed, studying her son with tears in her eyes. I haven’t seen or heard from her since the incident—she never once came by to check on him in the time I’ve been here, and I never thought to ask about her. Maybe she was too busy getting her own treatment. Maybe she didn’t know where to find him. But she looks like she’s been cleaned up, the gash in her cheek stitched and covered in a bandage, and her arm is in a cast and sling.
She glances down at me lying against her son’s chest, and our eyes meet briefly. She gives me the tiniest fraction of a smile, and there’s so much emotion tied to it. Gratitude and appreciation, but sorrow and anguish, as well. It’s complicated and raw. Then she turns her attention back to Luke as if I’m not here, only giving me passive acknowledgment.
“I’m so sorry, Luke,” she sobs. “Baby, I know I hurt you. Lord knows how much I hurt you. But I was just trying to protect you.”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses,” Luke snaps.
I probably shouldn’t be here while they have this conversation…
Except, as I try to push myself up to leave and give them some privacy, Luke holds me firmly against him with his hand on my back, and when I turn my head up and meet his eye, he shakes his head at me. His eyes are screaming,please don’t go.So I don’t. I resettle with my arm around Luke’s waist, holding him steady. I can feel the tension in his body.
“He waskillingyou.” His mom trembles. “It was the only thing I could do to get you out of there so he would stop.”
“You kicked me out. You left mealone,” Luke replies, his voice dangerously low. The betrayal rolls off of him in a tangible wave. I’m immediately thrown back to how he fell apart in the shower the day it happened. The shattered, wounded shell he was when he tried to cope with it. Even the complicated way he looked at her from the kitchen floor… “After everything we talked about—everything I helped you with—you still wouldn’t leave with me, even though he’d done that. Gonethat far. Youchoseto stay with him.Again.”
“There was no other way I could get him off you! If I’d have gone with you in that moment, he’d have killed us both before we left the driveway.”
“You could have left with me every other time I begged you to, but you didn’t.”
“I know,” his mother cries, shaking her head with remorse. “I know. I thought he could get better. He promised me he’d change. I hoped he would.”
“You’ve told yourself that lie for so many years that I think you actually believe it. Well,Idon’t believe you. You always go back to him. Youalwaysstayed with him, even after he’d beaten the shit out of youandme. Foryears.You should have left him the first time he hit you when I was still in fucking high school. You should have left the first time he hitme. But you didn’t. You stayed, and you taught him that it was perfectly acceptable to touch you. To control you.”
“Baby, why do you think I fought so hard to get you to New York?” His mom whimpers.
Luke scoffs, tears coming to his eyes. “Yeah. You’ve used that excuse before, too. Your hero complex must be gratified, thinking you saved me from the torment of my abusive stepfather. But what about you, Mom?”
“I didn’t have a choice.”
“Bull. Shit.You’re just a coward. You’ve always been a coward. So, you two deserve each other. You can be pen pals and shit while he’s rotting in prison for all I care. Convince yourself you’ve reformed his sorry ass, and if he ever gets out, you can shack right back up with him. The cycle repeats.”
“Luke, that’s not fair,” she says, her voice tight. “I did what I had to do to keep you safe. He wasn’t going to let me go, and I knew it was the only way to make him stop.”
“I don’t care anymore.”
“Luke.” She sobs a broken, wretched cry.
Luke stiffens, turning his head away, his jaw clenched. Even I can’t help but frown, hearing the desperation in her voice. When I turn my eyes up to catch Luke’s, his resolve breaks a fraction, and I don’t know what he sees in my face. But he sighs.
“Mom…” he says, tears in his eyes. “I love you. You’re my mother, and I will always love you. But I can’t forgive you yet, and I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
She takes a step forward. “Baby,please.”
