“Look, what’s done is done,” I snap. “I can’t go back and undo it, and I won’t apologize because I’m not sorry. I took a leap, and it didn’t pay off. So, let's move on and pretend like it never happened. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but I just want to get through this weekend. Then you can never talk to me again if that’s how you want to be.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What could you possibly not understand?” My temper’s rising, the embarrassment making my skin crawl. I feel like I’m being rejected all over again here. Wasn’t once enough?
“I don’t appreciate being used like some fucking piece of meat you can experiment with,” Luke shouts, his hands balled into fists in his lap.
“What?” My brows furrow.
“I don’t deserve to be treated like something you can play with when it’s convenient for you. Just because you’re drunk doesn’t make it okay to use me like that.”
My chest tightens at his words. Is that really what Luke thought it was? A drunken mistake? That I was only looking to get off?
“Do you seriously think that little of me?” I scoff. “When have I ever acted like I wanted to use you just toexperiment?Jesus, Luke. I’m not like that.”
“I don’t know that, Ethan. I’ve only known you a month.” He rubs a hand over his face agitatedly. “To me, it seemed like you were acting on a drunken impulse to get your kicks making out with the gay guy like it’s a novelty.”
I frown, searching Luke’s face sadly. “Is thatreallywhat you think I did?”
Luke sighs, shaking his head. “I don’t know… Your friends seem to think you’re incapable of being insincere, which is why I’m here now, trying to find out what happened.”
The blood drains from my face, my stomach dropping. “You didn’t tell them about….”
“No.” Luke shakes his head quickly. “No, I’m not stupid. Whatever the hell last night was, I won’t broadcast it to everyone. That’s between you and me. But they all turned to me when you left, demanding to know what happened, and we started talking.”
“Whatdidyou tell them?” I ask, releasing a shaky breath of relief.
Luke turns to me, hesitating. “That you played a cruel joke on me.” I can’t hide the hurt from my face at the accusation, and Luke’s expression softens. “That’s what it felt like, anyway, because it doesn’t make sense.”
I laugh humorlessly. “It was pretty simple to me. We went to the beach. I thought we were having a moment, and I kissed you. I misread the situation and fucked everything up. End of story.”
Luke studies me silently, like he’s trying to read my thoughts or glean some missing information. I can almost see the wheels of his brain turning. Then he sighs and drags his hands down his face.
“You didn’t misread anything,” he says softly, gazing across the lake absently.
Now, it’s my turn to stare as my brain registers what I just heard. Did he say Ididn’tmisread it? So, I’m not crazy. Lukewason the same page as me. Hewantedme to kiss him. But if that’s the case, then what the fuck has all of this been for?
“Then why did you push me away?”
“Because you told me you were straight, Ethan!” Luke exclaims.
“Well, I’m not!” I snap back with the same intensity.
He shakes his head in disbelief. “Then why did you tell me you were?”
“Because!” I groan, exasperated. My cheeks burn with embarrassment, and I put my hands on them, trying to dispel the heat. “I thought I was when you asked me.”
“What does that—”
“I’m bi, okay?” I interrupt him sharply, the confession like broken glass in my mouth. “I didn’t tell you that when you asked because I didn’tknow. I only figured it out recently.”
Luke gapes at me. I stare back, knowing I just bared my soul, and now I’m waiting for the proverbial axe to fall on my neck. I bury my face in my hands as the embarrassment threatens to take me over. It wasn’t the most elegant way I would have preferred to reveal the truth, but now that it’s in the open, I can’t deny the weight that has been lifted off my chest.
“Does that mean…” Luke starts, shaking his head like he’s clearing away cobwebs. “AmIthe reason you figured out you were bi?”
God, kill me now. Strike me down right here on the spot and save the universe the trouble of having to exist with me in it. Let me die on the beach in a freak tidal wave instead of having to answer this question. Maybe send that bear my way so he can still have that good meal he deserves and rid me of this nightmare.
My face flushes as I look away, unable to meet Luke’s eye.
