There’s no surprise on my face, because Lilly already told me, and I’m thankful she did. “That’s not how it happened. Can we talk?”
She rolls her eyes, but she can’t help it and lets me in—into herentryway, where two suitcases sit next to the rails where her dreams live.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“None of your business, right? Since we’re not really friends?”
“Of course we’re friends.” I take a step forward, and she takes one back, setting an invisible but very clear boundary.
“Friends don’t lie to each other.”
“I didn’t lie to you,” I reply.
“That’s the thing, Dom. You either lied to me when you pretended to have feelings for me, listened to my darkest moments and my biggest joys, pushed me to be the best version of myself, took care of me…” She lets the words hang heavy in the air. “Or, you lied to me when you told me the only reason you wanted to be near me was to get a good fuck and get it out of your system.”
This sunshine girl full of fire inside sparks a love for life itself I’ve never experienced.
“You’re right.” There’s no reason for me to beat around the bush. “I did lie to you.”
“Thank you!”
“But not for the reasons you think.” I’ll respect her space, but that doesn’t stop me from resting my back against the wall and relaxing my face into a smile. I’m trying to show her the parts of me I keep hidden from everyone else—just like she did with me.
“I didn’t know I was lying when I said we were getting it out of our systems, so in a way, I was telling the truth. At least, the one I knew, the one wrapped in fear with apush you awaybow.”
She mimics my pose, doing the same against the wall but not dropping her hands. I kind of like that she’s not turning into Jell-O at my words. I want her to take them in, let them simmer, before reacting in any way.
“If I would’ve been honest with myself first, I would have told you that you scare me shitless. I’ve never felt the way I do when I’m around you—out of my mind afraid you’d leave, or worse, that I won’t be enough for you to stay and to keep alive that flame you so brightly share with theworld.”
“So you decided making me feel disposable would be better somehow?”
My heart stops beating with that blow.
“That’s not what I meant to do, and I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. I was trying to protect you, even if I hurt you in the end.”
“You did,” she replies, her hands leaving the comfort of her chest to wrap around her arms instead.
“And I won’t ever forgive myself for it.” I reach for her, but she sidesteps away from me. Damn it, okay. “I’m still not sure I’ll ever be enough for you, but I’m willing to try. I’m willing to work to be the man you deserve.”
“What makes you think you’re not? And for the love of every bird that sings in the morning, don’t tell me age. Age is just a construct.”
“Five years ago, I would’ve gone to jail for doing what we did.”
“We didn’t meet five years ago. I’m a completely different person now than I was back then. Aren’t you?”
That’s the understatement of a century. I was a shell of a human, leftovers of who I was always meant to become. “You’re right.”
“I know I am, just like I’m right to be pissed off at you.”
“You’re right about that too, but I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’m sorry I did. Believe that.”
I study her expressions as an academic would. She could be angry, frustrated, sad, or annoyed; I wouldn’t be able to tell, because the mask she put over her face is three inches deep.
“What do you want, Riley?” I ask the question I should’ve from day one. “Other than being happy and feeling valued. We’ve exhausted those.”
She drops my gaze, stacking her feet on top of each other. “I don’t know.”
I take the leap again, stepping forward and sliding my index finger under her chin, willing her to look at me. “I won’t judge, but I want to know. I know you don’t owe me anything, but could you answer that question for me? No matter what the answer is.”
