“I thought it was lust, excitement, infatuation…attraction…but the truth is, it wasn’t.”
“What was it then?”
“Love.” She gasps, and I smile wider, letting my whole truth out. “I love you, and I’m sure I’ve loved you since the night a bright as shit Jeep was stuck on the side of the road, and the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen flashed me a smile that stole my breath away.” I shake my head, but not the memories of that night. “And then hung out the window for good measure.”
“You saw that?”
“AllI see is you. All the time. Everywhere since the day I met you. I like it.” I find myself shaking my head again, unable to move in any other way besides pulling her into my arms. “No, no, I love it.”
“Dom,” she whispers.
I cover her lips with my index finger. “I loveyouin ways I’ve never loved before, and I’m sorry I let my fear keep me from telling you.”
She removes my finger from her lip, taking my hand in hers, clutching it tightly to her chest. “You say that now because you don’t want me to leave or whatever.”
“No, Firefly, I’m saying it now because you deserve to know. I. Love. You. I’m in love with you. I wake up thinking about you. The way you occupy my brain all day is the light shining through what used to be darkness before…and then, in my dreams, you’re all I see. You say I’m a man of few words—well, these are some of the most important ones I’ve ever said, so hear me loud and clear. I love you.”
“We haven’t known each other for long.”
“Statistically, it doesn’t matter. Parents don’t need more than a second to know they love their baby as soon as they’re born. Even before. Loving them is fundamental to who they are, like loving you has been for me since the moment we met.”
“This is a lot to take in,” she replies.
I swallow my pride and the hurt her words deliver; I take them in either way. It took me a while to figure it out. I don’t blame her for doing the same.
“Take it in. Take your time. I’m not asking you to do anything with it. But if what you need is a reason to stay, I’m happy to giveyou ten. And one of them, I’ve never given anyone else the way I’m ready to give it to you.”
I drop a kiss on her forehead. “I love you, and it’s not transactional nor transitional.” I take a step back, letting her see all of me and the truth behind my words. “I love you if you stay, and I love you if you go. I just thought you should know before you made any decisions.”
40LOVE IS
Riley
I loveyou if you stay, and I love you if you go.
Dom’s words echo in my mind, like a weight I need to acknowledge but one I would rather not.
But I have to.
Not because of him, but because of me. I may not have said anything to him, but I do love him, like a lot. While I felt like it was all in my head or like I was wrong to think a person could fall in love so quickly, he proved to me it wasn’t one sided, that he feels the same.
Even if I don’t stay.
I love you, and it’s not transactional nor transitional.
I’ve always felt like the only way people could love me is in an ephemeral way, only when I’m making myself small or just for a while. But he says his love for me is fundamental to who he is, even if he’s never loved someone else this way.
Truth is, I don’t need to be someone’s first love. I just want to be someone’s last. I want someone to love me sodeeply for who I am, they can’t imagine a life without me, even if it’s only for a period of time.
I’m not delusional. I know this started as purely physical, but it slowly evolved into more. I don’t expect for us to jump into marriage or anything like that, but I want to be loved right.
I’m all in. Whatever that means to you, it’ll be the same to me.
Maybe I am a little delusional, because I’m starting to believe him. I barely slept last night, tossing and turning in my empty bed—the place I’ve never loved until I shared it with him. For someone who struggles staying asleep for long, I never slept better than when I was in his arms. And do I really need to wait until I’m thirty or forty to figure out if it’s him I should give a chance?
Do I really need to worry about it all now, or can I just take it a day at a time? A day at a time when I’m committed to him, the way he’s saying he’s committed to me?
I love you. I’m in love with you.
