“Yup, always have, always will. It’s what keeps me so energized.”
“Darlin’, you were born with triple A batteries fully charged, you don’t need more energy.”
I giggle, and Dom chuckles behind me.
“Dominic, have you met this darling sunshine?”
He nods. “I have, and Miss Lainey, Dom is fine.”
“Well, honey, when you stop calling me Miss, I’ll stop calling you Dominic.”
He smiles, briefly, barely, as if it physically hurts him to do so, and gets on his way to grab breakfast.
“Are you eating too? How long do we get you this time?” she asks me.
That’s a great question. Originally, I was going to be here for a few weeks, but seeing as they need counselors and I agreed to do it, I might as well stay. “All summer.”
Her surprised expression is what I was expecting, but it doesn’t hurt any less. “Well, I’m certainly glad you are. This place could use some happiness around here.”
“Thanks.” Lainey is like another mother to me; after mine passed, we became close.
“How’s school?” she asks, keeping up with me as I fix myself a plate. Dom is ahead of us, doing the same but keeping his eyes straight at his plate, not looking up once.
“I finished early.”
“That’s great news, honey.” At least someone appreciates my efforts. “What’s the plan now?”
I don’t know. I’m lost in a world full of possibilities, and none of them feel like me, while simultaneously, everything feels like I can do it. How do I explain the duality of my complex feelings right now? How do I explain I want to both travel and see the world but also set roots somewhere and have a place to call home? One that feels like it again.
How do I explain to her I feel like I’m going to both crawl out of my skin with nothing to do but also I felt the same way being away from the place I loved for so long? How do I explain that I feel so out of place anywhere else but here, in East Dove? I feel like my head could explode because it’s the same thing, every day, for eternity.
“I don’t know,” I say instead. It’s too early for deep dives into my psyche right now.
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” She kisses the top of my head. “You’re the smartest of the three, remember that.”
I tsk. “You tell that to all of us, Lainey. You’re not fooling anyone.” I smile, my plate now full of biscuits and sausage gravy, a glass of fresh milk in my other hand.
“Let an old lady believe her truths, Darlin’. Now go. Go eat. I have things to do.”
“Thanks for this.” I raise the plate to her. “See you around.”
She disappears into the kitchen, and I take my plate and the milk outside. There’s a little table hidden around the corner on the wrap around porch. I know it’s not technically hidden, but consideringit’s in an alcove on the back side of the porch, nobody goes there.
Or so I thought, because there’s definitely someone there.
“Oops, sorry. I didn’t know anyone would be here.” I turn to leave, because if Dom’s here in my secret spot, it’s because he needs privacy, and I’ve already invaded so much of his space and routine with how loud and messy I’ve been.
“You can stay,” he all but grunts. He’s being polite, judging by the tone of his voice.
“I don’t want to impose. I’ve done that enough.”
He shrugs. “I’m almost done either way, and there’s a chair there.” He points to it before getting back to his food.
The air is crisp against my cheeks and chest. This outfit is practically a sports bra and leggings, but I love it. What a joy it is to be alive and to feel it too.
“So, do you like it?”
He nods. “Food’s always good.”
