“Rian,” I reply, I’m not lying. Maya can’t find him, she texted me. Rian has been my everything since forever. I’m not checking on Dominik yet. I’m checking on him after I make sure Rian doesn’t get himself killed. I’d never forgive myself and it would probably worsen Dad’s situation. I text Sammy to keep Josh on a leash, which only she can do, and not let him kill Dominik until I’m back.
“Kai is coming along,” my father says, “If you feel in danger at any moment flee the situation.
“Deal,” I tell my dad, and he bribes the doctor to give me clearance. I dress myself and move numbly through the halls with Kai.
“Ok, Kai I need a favour.-”
“I’m not going to like it am I?” he asks, I shake my head. “Go ahead”
“When we arrive at our destination I need you to stay outside,” he’s about to say no, yet I keep talking, “It’s Rian, Kai. It’s Ry and he might get himself killed if I don’t talk to him alone”
“Press this if you need help, and have it with you at every time,” Kai says and gives me my old panic button, which also includes a tracker so he’ll know every step I’m taking. I put the button in my pocket and we enter his car shielded by my father’s men. Word spread out there was a “Terrorist attack” on the casino, that’s how we’re handling it with the media, and with the noncooperative police side.
I look outside and it’s pitch black, the street and apartment lights are the only thing you see when you look outside. “Remember Luktas?” I ask Kai and he says “Yes”.
“Take me there,” I say and Kai seems apprehensive. I look at him with my best puppy eyes, he doesn’t budge.
“What’s in your pocket?” he asks and I hide it with my hand. “Did you steal something, Miss?” he asks and starts to slow the car down.
“Keep driving, as fast as you can. It’s Narcan in case heoverdoses,” I say and show him the small box.
"Never put me in this position again, Miss Kane,” Kai says and I nod.
“Love, please. Miss Kane is my mother,” we’ve had this discussion several times. But he respects my father too much to go around a rule he dictated even if it’s stupid, ceremonial, and unnecessary.
As we drive across town, I count from one to six hundred before we reach Luktas’ parking lot.
“I’ll be fast. If I don’t come back in one hour, come and get me,” I say knowing this place is terribly dangerous for women and any regular person in general. It’s a fighting club with drug addict spots on the buildings and the alley.
“Take this, Miss,” Kai says handing me his spare gun. I put it in my coat's interior pocket and walk outside wearing proper clothing, which my mother thankfully brought me. I wouldn’t like to freeze to death but right now that’s not my focus. It’s ok if I lose a finger or two. What is not ok is losing Rian. Ican’tlose him. Not him, not Dominik, not anyone tonight, I physically and mentally can’t.
“Have you seen this guy?” I keep asking everyone with a photo of Rian on my phone’s screen. I don’t have to pick a photo he’s my lock and background screen. I look at the photos for seconds. It’s the two of us, the lock screen is his 18th birthday, the background one is just a silly photo Declan took of the two of us sleeping in the living room’s old chair, Rian hugging me. Was I that blind?
“Rian?” I call when I spot him entering a building with his hands shaking, his eyes seem reddish. I did this. “Rian?” I scream stepping inside the building, he only stops walking because he falls flat on the ground. “Ry?” I scream shaking him and trying to get a response from him. “Rian come on, stay with me,” I request spraying the Narcan down his nose.
“What the hell did you do?” Rian asks, my whole-body trembles when I really understand his words, he wanted to die.
“Rian, please don’t do this-”
“What are you even doing here, Love? Why do you fucking care? Go back to Dominik he’ll give you a fun time,” at this point I’m sobbing and trying not to faint from pain. “I thought I’d be your choice if Declan were ever gone. Turns out I was wrong, as usual,” he screams at my face tears in his eyes as well.
“I never saw you that way, Rian, I never thought of you as anything but a brother and I can’t lose you. You’re the most important person in my life, not Dominik and neither was Declan,” I say and his lower lip trembles.
“You don’t need to lie, Love. And you don’t need to keep covering up for me. You don’t need to be here-”
“I’m going nowhere, Ry,” I whisper my voice breaks, Rian slowly gets up and I accompany him. “Kai is outside,” I say gesturing to the door. Rian’s tall frame stands over me but it is as fragile as a piece of paper. Ready to tear with any sudden movement, so I don’t move.
“You’re all I have,” Rian says, not crying anymore and cleaning my cheeks with his sleeve.
“And I’m going nowhere,” I assure him.
“I was there you know?” Rian says and I look at himconfused. “At the forest the day Declan died, I didn’t reveal I was there because I saw you with Dominik. I think he made sure I’d see you”
“What do you mean?” I ask him, yet another person who’s not telling me everything they know. Does anyone ever disclose the whole picture? Or just certain frames? The ones that make them look good. “What do you know, Rian?” I reinforce when he doesn’t budge, his grey eyes stay on mine.
“Dominik came here to use you. He is a spy from Spencer’s sister,” Spencer, the son of the man who kidnapped me when I was fourteen. The one who would’ve completely destroyed me if my father hadn’t appeared. He nearly ruined my life. Rian moved in with us because I couldn’t sleep without him and couldn’t breathe without knowing he was near.
Spencer’s family ruined my mind and soul. It took a lot of effort to get back up. Joint effort, mine and Rian’s. I didn’t give him enough credit. I might’ve saved him from drugs. But he saved me from myself. I’m the reason he was sober, he is the reason I’m alive.
