“What did he say?” I ask Dominik, he doesn’t reply, his lips twist.
“The bitch is smart,” Damian quotes and I hold my knife tighter. I got it right. He wants war. It’s not just some kind of casual attack. We knew it wasn’t, what we didn’t expect or at least I didn’t. Was for Mitkus to be claiming a reign that isn’t theirs to take.
“What are we doing to him?” Josh asks pacing back and forth, the ginger guy is still unconscious.
“We’re going to let him live,” Dominik says and signals something to Karl.
“Are we just letting him go like that?” I ask when Karl starts to unchain my mother’s murderer. I walk up to Dominik and have to let the knife fall to the ground not to threaten him.
“We’re moving him to a lower level, Josh and you are free to do whatever you please with him. I’ll be outside,” I hear those words and enter a trance. A trance I only get out of when my hands are full of blood and my knife falls to the ground, Josh is taking me out of the room, and the ginger guy, who looks nearly dead is laughing.
He mouths “Thank you,” when I leave. He doesn’t mouth it to Josh nor Karl. He mouths it to me. I did what he wanted, he played his part. Now I’ll have to play mine. Or better pay.
Chapter 18
Dominik
I walk back to the apartment with Love on my arms, but it might as well just be her corpse, she’s not really here. She’s somewhere within her rage, hate, guilt and all the blood she keeps staring at.
From the moment Josh took her away from Dylan I knew something had broken, but something also changed. She didn’t seem afraid of the outside, of others, of the unknown, of all the threats coming our way. She seemed afraid of herself. And that scares the shit out of me.
To see her this detached from reality, dead-eyed, it’s like I’m looking at myself and lets just say that’s concerning. “Don’t,” I request when Sammy and Maya try to come our way when I walk inside with Love. Maya and Sammy sit back down and I carry Love into our room, into the private bathroom. Adjusting the water temperature before putting her under the water still onmy arms. When the fresh blood is erased from her skin I get a small disposable chair and sit Love on it partly under the shower’s water. I rub her hands, and pass her favourite shower gel on them several times, I need to, the blood doesn’t want to come out, but I refuse to use harsher resorts on her.
I take off her clothes and clean her body, she remains rock solid in whatever position I put her in. So she’s standing under the water, looking at me, yet not really at me, she’s looking past me, trapped somewhere. I still don’t push, it’s not the time yet. You can say I’m a pervert for washing her in this state. YetI don’t want her to click back to reality covered in any kind of blood, I want every trace of Dylan and her mother’s death away.
I leave for one second to grab Love a change of clothes, find a dress and robe that will fit perfectly, when I come back inside the bathroom she’s still under the shower but now she’s standing, she stood by herself and is now wearing a towel.
“Cherry?” I call knocking on her walls, but they barely budge, “Vie?” I try again taking a careful step towards her. She looks at me, she really looks at me. She’s both shaken and shaking. “Change I won’t look,” I say and turn around, to my surprise I have no trick, I’m really not looking. Something about Love can erase any kind of lust craving in moments that aren’t convenient, and I consider this one as such. She lost it, I’ll be by her side while she finds her way back to her normal self.
There’s a small touch on my arm, her hand is laid there. I turn around, she’s dressed and looks more like herself. The shine isn’t back but I didn’t expect it to. I do see life in her. There’s hope in her eyes. Hope things will getbetter, and I’ll make sure they will. This world? It will be bent in any way she needs, I’ll make it. There isn’t a thing I’m not capable of doing for this woman.
I secretly want to embrace the chaos. And I want her to embrace it too. It’s our life. It isn’t going to change, when one problem is solved another threat arises. It’s going to be that way forever.
“Embrace the chaos,” I whisper to her and she raises her left eyebrow. “You’ll get it one day. Sammy and Maya are outside, but you don’t have to get out of the room, they know what happened.”
“I just want to sleep,” she says and pulls me by my hand towards the bed. She doesn’t need to pull for long. I’m there before she is when I notice her intent.
I don’t say a word. It pains me, not to be able to talk with her, not to be able to ask her if she’s ok.
“How are you feeling?” I question, I’ve never played by the rules anyway. And her look is frightening me and that’s saying a lot, nothing frightens me.
“I’m feeling less scared. I made peace with my mom’s death, I think. But I do feel like crap for what I did to that boy,” she says and I get ready to scrutinise every single thing wrong with that boy and how she did a favour to humankind by ending his existence.
“That boy’s name was Dylan. I’m not telling you this to humanise him. It’s quite the opposite. Dylan could’ve been the antichrist and I wouldn’t be surprised. Back to the point... Dylan was planning your brother’s murder to happen exactly one week from now. He had every excruciating detail about his death laid out. From kidnapping, to filming himself torturing Josh to death,so he can show your father and me how useless and helpless we are. And how fragile our empires have become. He had everything planned. A six-month plan to conquer the world. Damned Mitkus have god complex problems,” I say letting the last sentence out unintentionally.
“Still regret it, I can’t understand if that was what I was supposed to be like from the beginning,” she says and I have to stop her from talking further, so when she sits on the bed I envelop her like a cocoon.
“It’s a part of you because you’re a part of this world but you’re so much more than that,” I start and she laughs.
“Really? Then who am I?” she asks and I think I’m not meant to reply, “No, seriously. I, myself have no clue,” she continues her body shakes under my hold, I caress her arm and hold her tighter.
“You’re the girl who cares about everyone and anyone’s wellbeing and happiness, even those who do not deserve your time or thought. You’re the girl who helped Rian cling to life, even when you were struggling yourself. And even if I hate the guy, it’s exactly because of that you should be damn proud, you made himwantto live. You gave him a reason to stay, a reason for life to be worth living. And until he had no other, you kept him alive. You’re also the girl who didn’t sleep for days to make sure Maya was sleeping, eating, bathing, and drinking properly while recovering from her parents’ death. You’re the girl who offered me a smile when I was calculating how to end your life unnoticed. You welcomed me in your life and it became quite evident I didn’t- no couldn’t, even bear the thought of hurting you. You’re the girl who kept looking at me with asmile for two years despise my ever emotionless expression. You’re the girl who brought me back to life when I thought I’d already been buried alive. You’re the first person who showed true compassion for my parents' death, not pity, not interest, not a fragility to use against me. You’re the girl that keeps saving my life and everyone’s lives around you just by existing-”
“You’re exaggerating!” she exclaims slowly turning to face me, her ice blue eyes seem to melt a little. I melt a lot.
“No exaggeration. You’re the definition of the word love. Your father? He lives for you and Josh, but especially you, why? Because you remind him there’s hope in this world, and hope is not always finding other people to live your life with. Sometimes hope is being in this world for 45 years and seeing your love, seeing you recover from trauma after trauma, and still being able to feel. If I had to describe you in a word, I wouldn’t choose love though-"
“What would you choose?” she asks curiously the spark coming back to her eyes, and suddenly I know why she’s the little spark.
