Noah nods. He knows this part. He was ten when we left, and Malcolm revealed he had assets he’d kept secret from the church. Not only did he have the house, but he had investments that had stacked up while we were living a basic life.
We landed back in the real world without any financial worries—well, he did. I still had nothing. It was the thought of his children that made him change his will, not any kind of care for me. He’d got what he wanted out of it—a young, compliant wife who gave him children and was tied to him because of them.
Sometimes I wondered if that was the only reason he joined the church in the first place.
“I’m sorry, Noah.”
He lets out a sigh. He’s so protective of his younger sisters and brother, and I hope that he truly does understand why I did what I did. I always knew that Malcolm would come after me if I tried leaving, and that he’d make my life hell, dragging me through court. He’d never let his children go.
“I get why you did it, but it still feels like you sacrificed me.”
Tears roll down my cheeks. “You have to know I did what I thought was best at the time.”
He places his hand on my arm. “I know you did. I’m not angry at you, but I am angry at the situation. There’s also a lot I don’t know.”
My throat tightens. There’s always been so much about our situation that I never told Noah. I never wanted him to know that I was forced to marry Malcolm. When we arrived at the church and I discovered I was pregnant, he told my parents he’d step up and marry me.
They grabbed hold of that while I continued to protest that I should tell Caleb. And then I was subjected to a huge amount of pressure. Back then I was so young and scared, and they all took advantage of it.
And in the end, I wasn’t given a choice. I had no way out.
“There is, but it’s a lot to think about right now.”
“And I get that. But we do need to have that conversation.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I’d like to try and put things right. He’ll be angry—I know that, but what’s important is that you can have some kind of relationship with him.”
Noah’s shoulders relax. “I’d like that. As long as he’s not like Malcolm.”
I swipe the tears from my cheeks. “I can’t say I know what he’s like as an adult. But the boy I knew was kind and very protective of me. He didn’t want me to leave, but we were sixteen and still in school. We had no way to support ourselves, and my dad … well, you know how your grandfather is.”
Dad was a tough father. He didn’t like me spending time with Caleb back then—never thought he was good enough. Most of our relationship was hidden. I’m not sure we would have had sex so young if we hadn’t had to sneak around.
It was an act of rebellion on my part, but given I got Noah out of it, it’s one I’ll never regret.
When we moved, he got worse. I was no longer legally required to go to school, so I didn’t. I worked within the church and was then married off to Malcolm.
I missed Caleb every single day but couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
I’d like to do some research before getting in contact with him. I don’t know how his life went. Is he married? Does he have children? Whatever I do will impact his life in some way.
Noah won’t be thinking about that, although he must be curious.
“Mum?”
Noah’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts. “Sorry?”
“I said, it wouldn’t take much for my dad to be better than Malcolm or Grandad.”
“No, it wouldn’t,” I croak. I hate that my children were exposed to their harshness. We should’ve had a happy, safe family life.
Instead, we lived in fear, and I could never see a way out.
I draw in a deep breath. “What I do know is that if your grandparents are still alive, they’re nothing like my father. They were always kind to me.”
He smiles. “Am I like him?”
I cup his cheek. “You are so much like your father. Both in looks and temperament. It … it helped me cope knowing I had a little bit of him with me.”
