I close my eyes. He’s the one who knew his father the least, but knew him at his worst. As Malcolm’s illness got worse, his temper did too, and his frustration bled into every interaction.
“No, Jase.” Bailey’s gentle voice makes me open my eyes again. She has a wary smile on her face as she drops to her knees and crawls toward him. “But we’ve all got Mum, and that’s what matters now.”
He sniffs, and I meet Noah’s gaze.
“Is Noah still our brother?” Jason asks.
Noah moves to sit beside us. “You bet I am. And you’re stuck with me forever.” He pokes Jason in the side and Jason giggles, the tension in the room easing.
“Can we meet him?” Kiera asks.
I exchange a glance with Noah. “I’m sure we can arrange something.”
Caleb said he wanted to meet my children. I’m not entirely comfortable—it’s come at me so fast, but I like the idea of him becoming a bigger part of my world.
I just want that world to slow down.
“I’ve got homework to do,” Kiera says as if she hasn’t just had a huge bombshell dropped on her. She flounces out of the room with a flick of her blonde hair.
Noah chuckles. “She’s the one you have to look out for, Mum.”
“Oh, believe me, I know.”
“Hey, Jase. Do you want to come and play Xbox with me? I got a new game today.” Noah beams at his little brother.
Jason looks at him with big eyes. “Yes!”
And then I’m left in the quiet with my eldest daughter whose brow is furrowed.
“Mum? Are you okay?” Bailey bounces across the room and drops into the seat Jason’s just left empty.
“I am. Look at you. You’re not a little girl anymore. I’m so proud of you.” I wrap my arms around her shoulders. “Thank you for reassuring Jason. He really needs it.”
She lets out a loud sigh. “Our lives are changing so much. I think he feels it the most.”
I nod. “I’m hoping he’ll get a more normal childhood than I could give you girls.”
“I feel like we missed out on a lot.” She shrugs. “I mean, I always had that feeling, but now Dad’s gone, I keep thinking about all the things other kids get to do that we never did.”
“Like what?”
“Having real friends. It wasn’t like we got to hang out with other kids after school—he kept you on such a tight leash.”
Tears prick my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
She shakes her head. “No, don’t be. You did your best. We all know that. And we know you took the brunt of his anger.”
I’m not sure what to say. Of course I knew they saw it, despite me doing my best to shelter them.
“And, Mum? You deserve to be happy. You need to find someone who treats you like the Queen you are.”
Tears well in my eyes, and I hold my daughter close.
I don’t want to cry, but it’s hard not to when she just gets it.
Fourteen
Caleb
