“How’s it going? How’s your mum?”
“She’s good. A bit messed up over how we met, but everything else is keeping her busy.”
I nod. “I’m sure.”
“She was worried you’d be angry.”
I use the machine to fill the cups with coffee and place them on the table in front of the couch. “Oh. Do you take milk? I can grab some from the smoko room.”
He shakes his head. “No. I usually take it black with one sugar.”
I smirk. “Like me.”
He chokes out a laugh. “Yeah.”
Dropping into a seat opposite the couch, I fix my gaze on him. “I’m not going to lie. I was angry. But it wouldn’t be fair to take it out on your mother. Not with everything she’s been through.” I pause. “While I’ve been doing the work around her house, she’s opened up a bit. I know that you all had a rough time.”
“He was a bastard.” Noah spits the words.
I nod. “I gathered that. How can I be angry with her when she had no control of the situation? I’m just so grateful that she’s here and that you’re all okay.”
Noah pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m not sure okay is the word. I think we’re a house still in survival mode. But it gets a little better every day. The others make a bit more noise and don’t worry so much about getting yelled at for it.”
My throat tightens. “I want to hear everything. And I want you to ask me anything you want. I’m an open book where you’re concerned.”
He presses his palms together. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Noah.”
“Why didn’t you come after my mother? If you loved her that much.”
I swallow hard. I’ve been over that time in my head so many times, but I can’t see how I could’ve done anything differently. That’s except for the way I reacted when she told me she was leaving.
But there’s no undoing that now.
“We were kids. I was so heartbroken when she left, and her parents made it really clear that I wasn’t going to be a part of her life anymore. They wouldn’t tell me where they were going. It wasn’t as easy to look someone up back then as it is now.”
“You had the internet, right?” he asks with an easy smile, and I just know he’s poking the bear.
“Only just. It wasn’t like it is now with Google and social media.” I sigh. “Look, Noah. I’m sorry I wasn’t in your life, and I’m sorry I didn’t know about you. If I had, maybe things would have been different. But that’s not what happened, and all I can do is promise you that I’ll take care of your mother this time around—nothing bad is going to happen to her.”
He nods. “So, you still love her?”
“I don’t think I ever stopped.” I blow out a long breath. “I thought about her a lot over the years—wondered what happened to her and what she was doing. And then I did use the internet, but she didn’t seem to be on social media, or if she was, I never found her.”
He meets my gaze. There’s no mistaking him for anyone else but my son. The cut of his jaw, the colour of his eyes—it’s all me.
“I knew I wasn’t his. He never said as much, but it was obvious. I wasn’t treated the same as the others. I’d wanted to ask Mum so many times, but when he was alive, she seemed so fragile. He was such a bastard to her, and I never understood why she didn’t leave.”
“Do you understand now?”
His eyes flare with interest. “A little. He controlled everything, so she saved what she could. When I was old enough to get a job and leave home, she encouraged me to spread my wings, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave her there.”
I raise my fist, and he bumps it. “That’s because you’re a good man and you knew something was wrong.”
He smiles. “I wish you’d been my dad. I mean … back then. You would have taken care of Mum and me.”
A lump, the size of a golf ball, forms in my throat. “I would have. And I will now, if you let me.”
