He rolls off me and shakes his head. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“This is all just too much. I thought I could handle it. I thought …”
I wring my hands together, and he clamps one of his over top. “It’s okay.”
“You’re not mad?”
“No, of course I’m not. This is a big thing for you.”
Caleb Baxter is in my bed. Naked. And I just broke in front of him.
“It is, but I said I wanted it.”
His warm eyes drink me in. “And you can say no at any time. Why would you think otherwise?”
Understanding dawns on his face.
“Oh, fuck. Oh, baby. I’m so?—”
“If you say sorry one more time …”
He nods, and cups my cheek with his hand. “I’m not him, and I know you know that. But I just want to say it again.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I know, but my brain …”
“Is still fucking with you. I get that. I’ll never do anything to hurt you.”
Tears fall down my cheeks. He swipes them away before gesturing downward.
“I’ll just go to the bathroom and get rid of this. Do you want me to stay or …”
I nod. “I’d like it if you stayed like last night.”
He gives me such a soft smile and my heart pangs.
“But …” I continue. “I need to knock this on the head for a while. It’s a lot, and I need time out.”
His face drops. “I understand. I’ll give you the space you need.”
As he closes the ensuite door, I’m gripped with regret.
Have I done the right thing?
No. I’m done second guessing myself. This is something I need to talk about in counselling—it’s a topic we haven’t discussed in detail.
If I’m ever going to be with Caleb in a real relationship, I need help with this.
Even if it means a break from him for a while.
Twenty-One
Caleb
It’s been two weeks.
Two long weeks without seeing Emma or her children. The only one I have seen is Noah, and he’s loyal to his mother—as he should be.
I’ve never been a patient man, and this is tearing me up inside.
