“He wanted abilities of his own. Power to protect his family if any of those futures I saw came to pass.”
“No.”
I refuse to believe it. Ican’tbelieve it. My dad hated risk. He liked old movies and expensive coffee and overexplaining that damn kinetic installation to donors. He wasn’t…
He wouldn’t…
“I tried to talk him out of it,” Malcolm says softly, gentle again like he knows how difficult this is to hear. “I begged him not to try. There were too many futures where he didn’t survive the process. Too many where he crossed Pulse Zero and never came back. But he insisted. He believed the risk was worth taking if it meant protecting you and your mother.”
Something hot and wet slides down my cheek, stinging all the way down.
“Before we went through with it, your father asked one thing of me.”
I force my gaze back to his and hold my breath.
“He asked me to do whatever was necessary to keep you safe. To keep you alive. I swore to him I would.”
The machinery hums louder. The lights feel brighter. My breathing picks back up, fast and shallow. Every thought in my head crashes together all at once until I can’t separate them anymore.
My uncle has been Ascended all this time.
My dad wanted to Ascend too.
If my mom knew he practically willingly killed himself, that would break her more than his death already did.
But that’s not entirely fair. Because I did the same thing, didn’t I? Only I was even more selfish. My dad wanted to protect his family while I only wanted to protect myself. I didn’t want tofeel weak anymore.
I did exactly what Malcolm wanted me to. For exactly the same reason.
My hands shake, and electricity flickers uncontrollably beneath my skin, small blue sparks snapping across my fingertips.
Malcolm notices. “Cason—”
“Don’t,” I choke out.
Because I can’t. I can’t fucking process all of this at once.
“Why?” I ask. Because that’s the only question I can manage right now. “Why the fuck did it have to be this way? Why did you have to go about it in the most fucked up way possible?”
“As you already know, trauma is a necessary ingredient in Ascension.”
I laugh. Not because anything is funny, but because if I don’t laugh right now, I genuinely might start screaming. “So you psychologically destroyed me for science. Good to know.”
“It wasn’t science.”
“Really? Because it sure feels a lot like human experimentation.”
“It was survival.”
I scoff so hard it hurts my throat. “You keep saying that like it magically excuses everything.”
“You think I enjoyed what had to be done?”
“Yes,” I fire back immediately. “Honestly? Yeah, a little. You’ve got a very unsettling vibe right now.”
“You see cruelty,” he says quietly, like he’s tired. “I see necessity.”
“That’s what every terrible person says.”
