“She always liked those.”
When we end the call, l sit there for a while, staring at the reflection of code in my glasses.
I miss my mom.
The memory hits me out of nowhere.
Hospital lights. Too bright, too white. A steady beeping, different from that flat tone I heard before.
Everything hurts.
My throat is raw. My body feels like it’s been hollowed out and filled with glass. I ache everywhere, but the worst pain is somewhere so deep in my chest I think it lives inside me now.
“Cason?”
My mom’s voice.
I turn my head, and she’s there. Dark circles under her reddened eyes, hair a mess, relief and terror and love all making up her expression as she holds my right hand in bothof hers.
“Hi,” I croak.
She starts crying.
“Hey, don’t cry,” I whisper, squeezing her hands. “I’m fine.”
“You are not fine.”
“Semantics.”
She laughs through tears and holds my hand a little tighter.
For a while, we just sit there, holding hands, letting a few more tears fall. Then the question burns its way out of me before I can stop it.
“What happened to…him?”
The crease she’s had between her brows since I woke up deepens. “The man who kidnapped you?” she asks carefully.
I nod.
“He’s dead, sweetie.”
The room goes silent.
“Good,” I say.
The word is thick in my throat, making me feel sick, but it’s the one word that makes sense if nobody knows what he actually meant to me.
My voice may be steady, but everything else is not. Everything inside me is shattering and crumbling, and I wonder how long it’ll be until I’m made of nothing but ash and dust.
But that’s what I’m expected to say, right? I’m supposed to be thankful that the man who kidnapped me and held me hostage is gone, like it’s some kind of justice. Like I’m supposed to sleep easier at night knowing he can’t hurt me. Can’t control me. Can’t touch me.
When, in truth, all I want is to go back in time so I can feel his touch again.
My mom squeezes my hand, dragging me back from the pit I was spiraling into.
“I’m so sorry you went through that, Case. I should never have—”
“Don’t, Mom. It’s not even a little bit your fault.”
