Teddie continues to cough, his body trembling with weakness. I help him lie back against the pillows, and I can’t help but notice how little he weighs. Less than even Harper, I imagine.
I press a kiss to his forehead. His skin is cool and clammy beneath my lips.
“I don't know what to do about Caran,” he whispers, tears welling in his eyes. “I'm so sorry, Brylee. So sorry for what he did to you. It’s my fault. Sam did it for Caran, and Caran did it for me. If I weren’t sick?—”
“It's not your fault,” I assure him vehemently, my voice thick with emotion. “I don’t even know if it’s Caran’s fault. He’s desperate to save you, and…I understand. I’m desperate to save you too. I made a deal with the Noth princes, for fuck’s sake. Is that really different from what Caran did?”
“I can’t believe you’re defending him.” Teddie’s voice is weak and shaky but still thrums with an undercurrent of rage.
“I’m not,” I tell him honestly. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive him or Sam. But I do understand what it’s like to be desperate. I would do anything to save you, Teddie. Anything. How can I fault him for doing the same? How can I hate him for loving you as much as he does?”
Teddie doesn’t reply to that, and silence saturates the air between us. It’s not the uncomfortable kind but one rife with shared pain and grim understanding.
We hold each other for a moment. I allow myself to take comfort in the pounding of his heart and the shallow spurts of air escaping his lips.
He’s here.
He’s alive.
He’ll be okay.
Please let him be okay.
Then I gently untangle myself from his embrace.
There’s one more thing I need to do while I’m here, one more person I need to confront. And this one…
This one might actually destroy me.
“I'll be back,” I promise. “But I have to talk to Mother.”
“Why?” Teddie’s voice is thick with sleep.
He’s already fading, his lashes fluttering against his cheeks, his breath rattling…
“To make things right,” I whisper, but I’m not sure if he hears me.
He seems to have already drifted to sleep.
Was it wrong of me to put my faith in the princes?
Maybe I should’ve waited until the doctor studied the so-called cure.
Maybe I should’ve done my due diligence.
Maybe I should’ve?—
But no.
I made my choice, and now I have to live with it.
The princes weren’t lying. You know that. You could see the sincerity in their eyes when they spoke of the virus. They want peace just as badly as you do.
I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand, straighten my spine, and prepare myself for war.
The time for grieving is over—now we fight.
I just never thought the battle would be against my own mother.
