Luka’s steps falter. His eyebrows rise.
The darkest thoughts start fluttering through my head and circling like birds of prey.
My hands fly up in a shield, hiding my face from them.
Quick as the wind, I scurry toward Ridge’s bathroom, covering my face as I mutter, “Just…need…a shower.”
The final words spill out unintentionally, but I race inside and slam the door shut behind me. Any excuse will do.
My chest heaves nearly as badly as it did when I faced Pedro.
I lean back against the doorframe, phone clutched in one hand as I slowly sink down to the tiled floor. The tears hit like hail. Harsh, brutal, relentless. They thrash against my soul.
Why couldn’t I just go to them? I literally just confessed my entire persona to Ridge. What’s wrong with me?
All I needed to do was let Kylian and Luka hold me.
And I couldn’t.
Trembling takes over, and I crawl to the toilet, barely able to yank open the lid before I retch into it, heaving again and again, panic squeezing tight.
Ripping off a square of toilet paper, I wipe my mouth and ignore its stiff scratch.
I should be able to go to my mates.
I promised I would.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t let them pretend to hug away the ugly reality my parents rarely say aloud but that I feel every waking second of the day.
I’m the spare.
I’m nothing.
Hardly an afterthought.
A burden.
That’s why my old alphas dumped me with the Noths. To be rid of me.
Even though a tiny sliver of me recognizes that’s not true, the demons have control right now. My mind is nothing but pitchforks and fire, all of it aimed inward.
Because I’m still broken.
I shrink into myself, knees coming up and arms curling around them. Becoming as small as I feel.
They probably heard that.
Fuck, they can probably hear me puke. And cry.
Racking sobs scrape up my ribs. Abrade my throat. And they just get louder the more self-conscious I become.
My mates are listening to me weep through the door because I can’t even let them comfort me like a normal omega would. I’m so fucked up that two seconds after I said I’d try, I’ve already messed up and run away.
They don’t deserve this shattered mess.
I don’t deserve them.
