“From a young age, yes,” Cirian replied, taking another branching path that sloped gently downward. “My mother, and also my sister for a short time, lived here as well.”
“They’ve passed.”
It wasn’t a question. I could feel the loneliness in the weight of his words. It sounded… familiar. Another page shared in the records of our lives.
“Yes, many years ago now.”
“I’d offer sympathies, but I know what little comfort they offer.”
Cirian glanced over his shoulder at me, any trace of his signature smile missing from his lips.
“Indeed.”
“What was it like,” I asked, my curiosity insatiable. “Growing up in this place? Surely, your childhood must have been abnormal.”
“I wouldn’t know how to compare it to any other. I was already chosen as Acolyte when they brought me here, so the normal Hallowed schooling I’d received till that point was replaced with Sancha’s chosen curriculum.”
“Were there other children here at the Cradle?”
“A few. Those who had moved in when their parents took important diplomatic roles in the Church. I never really saw them, though. Unless it was from the dais during the communing ceremonies.” His pace slowed, and he turned to me as I moved beside him. “You’re thinking my upbringing was miserable.”
“I think it was lonely,” I corrected him.
“Either could be true. But it was the only upbringing I had, so how would I know otherwise?” He lingered there for a moment, his gaze growing distant, as though now he wandered the halls of his childhood instead. But then his eyes were trained on me.“What of you, Bastien? You lived amongst Mortals your entire life, yes? What was that like?”
“It was… normal, I suppose. I had friends from my school, though none I was ever close with. My grandmother washed laundry to put food on the table. We celebrated all of the Mortal holidays, and a few of the Reviled ones that Gran held close.
“When I was old enough, I moved to the Magi City, looking for work. I fell in love with this café and never wanted to leave. Then, Tobias showed up, and everything changed.”
“He was my only friend,” said Cirian, his gaze once more transfixed ahead, though we stood firmly in place. “Tobias, I mean. We met a few years after I came to the Cradle. Sancha and Tobias’ mother had a contentious alliance, even that far back. She took me along to one of their meetings, and I thought I would be bored to tears. Then he showed up, his face covered in freckles, as if the sun itself had kissed his skin.
“I knew about the Greenes, even at that age. Sancha had warned me about their vanity and about the way their family had the Adored community wrapped around its finger. So, when Adoranda sent the two of us from her office that first day, I was less than pleasant to him. I thought him nothing more than an extension of his mother. That he would share her cruelty. It took a few more visits for me to discover that wasn’t the case.”
My heart ached at the thought of Tobias in his youth. He’d never shared those parts of his life with me during our time together. I wondered if they would have altered the way I viewed him.
“When did you know you loved him?”
“I was fifteen,” Cirian replied with little hesitation. “After our usual bout in the gardens at the chateau one afternoon, he walked me through the rows of roses. He spoke about how they were his favorite—a rare trait that he shared with his mother—and that he had been waiting for the first blooms of theseason. We stayed out in the garden till the sun had nearly set, just watching over the rows and rows of budding blooms. And finally, just as the rays of light spread over the horizon, a single orange blossom unfurled its petals, as if it had heard his words. I told him that I’d never seen its equal. Without a second of hesitation, he snipped the flower from the branch, cleaning the thorns off the stem before handing it to me. When I asked him why he was giving it to me, he told me that it was an old custom he’d learned from one of the tutors at the chateau, going back to a time before the First Awakening. He told me to whisper something I wished for into the bloom, and by the time the last petal fell, the wish would be granted.
“I held onto the bloom the entire train ride back to the Magi City, racking my mind for which desire I would share with the rose. I knew then that I loved this boy, the one who would give me such a gift, who would share those precious moments amongst the buds. I also knew that love had not been kind to my family. My mother once told me that we were cursed, my family. That wherever we placed our affection, only ruin followed. I wanted it not to be true. But by that time in my life, I knew the bitter taste that love leaves in the mouth when it falters. First my sister, then Mama… I wanted to cling to this fledgling joy that made my heart sputter. And so, I gave the rose my wish.”
His eyes held mist as he squared his jaw, lost in the memories of his first love. It was odd, hearing him speak with such sincerity. I had become too accustomed to the layer of snark that surrounded him at all times. This was something vulnerable. Something raw.
“What about you, Bastien?”
I blinked, finding him watching me now, an amused grin spreading across his features.
“What about me?”
“How did you fall for dear Toto? Or, if you’d prefer, I could offer a round of guesses. Though, to be forthwith, all of the ideas I have are rather crass.”
I rolled my eyes. His sincerity was short-lived.
“It wasn’t quick,” I said as we started once more down the hall. “There was an attraction at first, sure. But that was merely physical. Tobias had built a layer of walls around him by the time we’d met. It took some time to get a glimpse of the man beneath all the bravado. But he offered glances here and there. It was those glances that kept me coming back for more. I don’t think I could tell you the moment it happened. It was the culmination of so many little things piling up around me until one day I woke up and realized I saw him everywhere I looked. He’d worked his way under my skin.”
“He does that,” Cirian said with a chuckle, pausing as we neared another blank wooden door. “Not to change the subject, but we’ve arrived. They’re keeping Malachi through here.”
We stood outside a simple wooden door that was rounded at the top. It looked like every other door we’d passed on the way, so I studied the stone walls surrounding it, looking for some evidence as to how Cirian knew which was the correct one.
